Unfolding a Week of Halloween Fun, Digital Struggles, and Food Cravings

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey everyone, you're listening to 5 Years Time with your host, grace Black. Hey, cuties, grace, here I'm just grabbing out a blanket because, guess what, it's that time of year again where I need to podcast with my blankie, because I'm a little chilly. Also, my voice is kind of weak because I had a wonderful weekend and I think I about a very busy beginning of the week. As I yawn right now because I have just been kind of go, go, go until now, I kind of can slow down now, but I gotta fit in the podcast. So here we are, cutes, and I'm excited to catch you up on everything. So let's start from the top. Last week was really fun. I told you I had an exciting week ahead of me and it was something so fun. I think it was last week Halloween, like I think it was. Yeah, oh my gosh, it's been a whirlwind. There's so much to catch you up on. Oh my gosh. Okay, I'm so confused because it's November 8th and it's like what, where did the end of October go? But, yes, okay, I remember, I remember. So where I left you off was Halloween, which is when I was recording.

Speaker 1: 1:35

But anyways, wednesday night we drove to Oakville to take trouble to his parents and we had dinner there and me and Ro did a bit of trick-or-treating, which was so fun and she was so excited because normally we always do the trick-or-treating on the weekend before because our community does like a little parade type thing. So she hasn't actually gone on Halloween and I forgot I was taking trouble to his parents on Halloween. So I had thought like, oh, maybe I'll take her around the neighborhood like that's like close by if we're up to it, and for a little trick-or-treat. But that worked out perfect, because we just did his neighborhood and she just said she was like we went to one house and she was like this is so exciting that she went to another house and she's like oh my gosh, mommy, weird trick-or-treating again. I got to go twice. This is the best thing ever. It was so cute.

Speaker 1: 2:29

But the reason that we went is because Trevor had a business trip that he had to get on a plane for first thing in the morning on Thursday, and so it was just easier for him to leave from there than to have to figure out how to get to the airport from here in the middle of the night. So that worked out really, really well and so then Trevor was away for a really quick trip just three days and so me and Ro had a girls week for the remainder of the week and we really just I think we just like hung out, walked outside, hung the Christmas every day. There was more little Christmas bits and bobs up. I still haven't fully Christmas eyes, but I did. I'm happy I actually hung the Christmas lights, because now it's like I feel so dark all the time and it's been cooler, so I'm happy. I did it on a sunny day and then on Friday I had to go to church.

Speaker 1: 3:26

Oh, I forgot to tell you I went to Costco QTS before I went to Costco for the first time in literally six months and I got so much stuff and we're like stocked up on snacks for the next probably month or so, which is awesome. So when I do my weekly grocery shop I'll really just have to get. We actually have a bunch of produce that are like long lasting in the fridge, like veggies and stuff, so I really only will have to buy protein for the next while. So that's awesome. And dairy, obviously, because Ro and Trevor are milk fiends, but yeah. So I had a great trip to Costco because we needed to get everything.

Speaker 1: 4:01

The whole reason we went to Costco was because I needed to go with my mom to get all the stuff, supplies for meat pies to make for our winter fundraiser. We did meat pies at church in the spring for the first time, me and mom. They'd done them years before, but not since COVID. So we took it on and we had a great time and it was I don't want to say easy enough, like it is a lot of work, but like it was, like it wasn't, like it was fun. We had a fun time doing it. So we're doing it for their winter festival of some sort fair, I don't remember what it's called. I'm not going to it because we already have plans that weekend, but anyway. So we need to get all the supplies for that because fast forward to this week we were going to be making meat pies. But so that was really fun. We had a good time at Costco.

Speaker 1: 4:51

And then on Friday we also needed to set up for another thing that was going on at church. So we went to set up for our potluck, because we have our like annual fall potluck where everyone gets together and obviously brings food and has dinner together, and so we had everything set up because that was going to be Saturday and then I picked up row early from school because I had to go get Trev from the airport. So I dropped row off at my mom's for a sleepover and then I went to pick up Trevor from the airport and we had it back to his parents to stay there for the night, because it was my best friend's 30th birthday and that's our last of our 30 friends to turn 30. So let's just say, oh my gosh, only for him what?

Speaker 1: 5:33

I Drink tequila straight. I used to love tequila. That was like my favorite thing ever, like when I was in college, especially like I loved it. And then I remember we went to a bar for one of Trevor's friends birthdays and it was like a dive bar that we love, but we got shots of tequila. Never do that at a bar where it's like, oh, the tequila was so horrible. I literally haven't taken a straight shot of tequila since then. I think there was one other time I did and it just like at the second I took it I was like I just want to go home, like I didn't feel well. So I now never take shots of tequila. I really actually never take shots of straight any liquor. I'll always mix or have something like a Swedish barrier or whatever, because I just never feels good.

Speaker 1: 6:18

But so my bestie Akbar is whole thing, like his whole love, that's his thing is tequila like he loves all tequila, he likes it all. He likes to smoke, he's like the normal stuff, whatever. So I actually chose tequila based drinks for that evening, like the coolers that I brought with me, because I was like I feel to be tequila. And then we were actually there just like a few months ago for his fiance's birthday, my other bestie and they were trying to get everyone to do tequila shots and I was like super strong and like nope, I'm not going to, but for some reason I got sucked into the tequila shots and like so many of them. So anyways, yeah, I had a really fun night, I think, and Honestly I wasn't too bad.

Speaker 1: 7:04

The next morning I woke up and I was just like, yeah, I don't feel well, but that was the first time we haven't had row in the morning in a long time. Like I actually can't remember the last time that, because normally, like recently, a lot of the time when we've had a night away from her, we really haven't, because we've stayed at his parents, and then she stayed at her parents like I can't remember the last time she stayed at my mom's. It's been a while. So, anyways, that was like the first time we actually just like had a kid-free, kid-free morning. So that was lovely and I woke up and hydrated and then had a really relaxing Morning in bed and Trevor would have stayed in bed forever.

Speaker 1: 7:44

He also had just come home from San Francisco. So he was just like exhausted but and also he was the TD the night before, but he stayed up late. But then the night the night before that, when he was at his like conference and stuff, I think he had a fun time and they were like having parties and stuff. So anyways, he was exhausted and I just needed fresh air. Like that's my thing is, I just need to go for a walk, especially if it's like a brisk morning, which exactly is what it was. So I just kept convincing Trevor. I was like let's go for a walk, let's go get coffee. Eventually he was like okay, fine, so we got out or bed around like nine or ten, I don't remember, and we walked over and got some coffee and it was exactly what I needed and, honestly, I was just tired the rest of the day like really tired, but I felt fine. So that was good, good, good, good. And I won't have to be in that position again until Akbar turns 40, I guess, but it was really fun.

Speaker 1: 8:37

It was fun to see my friends and then that evening we had our potluck at church, so we went to that and I made meatballs and garlic bread and we enjoyed that time together with congregation and, honestly, at the beginning I was fine and then, like around dessert course, I was like I am so tired, someone just take me home. But we also like help plan, so we need to like set up and clean up and all that stuff. But I eventually got to go home to my bed and then that was Saturday, and then Sunday I was back to Toronto because my other best friend is getting married next year and so we were doing her wedding dress shopping and our bridesmaid dress shopping and we actually had such a successful day. I think everyone found their dresses, which is amazing, and it was nice to spend time with the bridal party and I'm so Excited. I also just like love when I get to spend time with, like my hometown friends.

Speaker 1: 9:29

Like it was so fun, that was such a perfect weekend of of Celebrating with people that I love and it just makes me so grateful for the friends that I have and I'm able to like keep in my life, no matter like where, the chapters that were all in and different lives and you know All the, all the different seasons and stuff. So that was really good. But then when I got home it was like Seven o'clock, oh, and we also got an extra hour on Sunday, so that was good. But when I got home it was like seven o'clock, which I mean isn't like so late, but it was pitch black from earlier on in the day, but I was just so tired and then Monday morning first thing woke up and it was pie time. So it is.

Speaker 1: 10:12

I'm recording today on Tuesday I literally just got home from finishing our 300 meat pies. We made half turkey, half beef and they turned out fabulous. Well, I don't know how I need them yet, but like I actually just recently ate the ones from the strawberry festival that we made in the spring because I had them in my freezer and they're so good. But yeah, that was really busy. Today was a pretty easy Day in comparison to yesterday, yesterday was just like a long day. It was just me and my mom making all the fillings so that today we were all prepped for when we had the ladies come in so that we could stuff all the pies and have an efficient line.

Speaker 1: 10:48

So, yeah, I'm just like so tired. Like I had energy yesterday morning and then last night I was exhausted. And then this morning Bro woke me up at like 5 20 and I was just like I am so tired. And then I knew we had to go back to church and I was like, okay, just get through this grace. And then I was like I gotta record the podcast. Hopefully I get home in time to record before I have to go pick up a row, because I really don't think I'll get around to it If I have to wait till after I put her to sleep because, knowing me, I will pass out with her already. Right now I feel like I could pass out. But yeah, we got everything done and it was so funny. I feel like we already sold so many pies before we even Um, I was even able to get them into all into the freezer, because there were so many people that knew that we were making the pies or it come to help out and they were just like, oh, I need to buy mine, I need to buy mine, but yeah, so that was fun.

Speaker 1: 11:37

And again, it's so nice to be with people in person and I always feel this like pull in my heart To like I don't know, like I always am so up and down, like I love to be around people. I'm such an extrovert, introvert. Like I love to be around people, I love to be energized. Quality time is definitely my like love language. Like I really appreciate, um, the time with people, but then I also just love being by myself and like it's so I don't want to say it's so hard to find a fine balance.

Speaker 1: 12:07

Like I'm always grateful when social opportunities come up because, honestly, with like now working for myself, I like, literally, if I didn't have social opportunities arise, like I would never see people and I also live so far not so far but like Inconveniently, I don't have any convenient I I don't like saying convenient friendships because I don't think like that. I'm not trying to define a friendship as like convenience, but I don't have any friends that live close by really, um, to just like call on and be like, hey, let's go for a walk, like, or do you want to grab a coffee, or do you want to just cut? I wish I had that like, do you just want to come over, um, for dinner? Or like, just come in a rose, gone to bed, like, just come over and hang out like the dream, like literally the dream. I'm not giving up on that dream, but so I am always grateful when social activities arise and I always try and like seize the day in that way, um, because I can and I'm grateful for this have lots of like downtime or to myself time, which is great because it gives me so much flexibility and recovery, and like charging my social battery and all that. And I am such like a homebody in that sense and I do love to have my alone time.

Speaker 1: 13:21

But yeah, anyways, I, I it's hard to like, I don't know, like it's so weird, I, I just feel like I'm always Not even the grass is always greener. I just feel like Sometimes I can feel so lonely in the midst of being social and then sometimes, when I'm like so social, it's like, oh, I just feel so overwhelmed. I don't even know how to explain it. But anyways, that's how my week was. It was really wonderful. And I need to do laundry so bad because I, feeling me in row, have no socks or underwear. So tomorrow is gonna be laundry and shows, and it's also Wednesday. Tomorrow I need to text back and see if she's coming over for dinner for Wednesday night dinner and if she is, I need to think of something. Or I have to ask her what she wants, but like I don't know if I'm gonna be able to give it my full Wednesday night dinner hurrah, depending on what it is, because I've just given that to two days of pie making. But we'll see. We'll see. Maybe she wants pies because I have some in my freezer. We'll see, honestly, but yeah, so that's how my week was. Sorry, again, my throat is a little shot. I've just been busy and that happens.

Speaker 1: 14:35

So next up, we've got our snack and drink of the week. Again, I didn't make my drink for this episode because I'm filming in the afternoon and when I film, when I have to squish you guys in, which I hate doing. I love when I can like devote proper time to you, which I am, but like I just go for the water in my favorite cup. But my actual drink of the week has been a flat white. I'm obsessed with that white to have come in getting Trevor to make them for me. We actually ran out of beans two days ago so I had tea yesterday morning which I have, this tea that I love so much. It's called Peary tea and it's so good by Bengal Hill and it also really helps with like this time of year with colds and stuff like that, and I find like whenever I'm feeling like horse in my throat, like it's really nice, but anyways.

Speaker 1: 15:23

So I got Tim Hortons yesterday halfway through the day because I was like I need to pick me up, and then today I was, I dropped row off and I was like if I don't get a coffee in me, I'm not gonna make it through this day, and so I just grabbed a quick coffee at 416, which I got, a flat white, and I just love, love, love, love a flat white. I think that's my like go-to. I used to be such a latte girl and then flat white started like populating more and now if I am gonna get something I usually go for the flat white, which like, I'm pretty sure, the only difference between a flat weight. I'm sure there's more than one difference. I'm not a brady stuff is that the. I'm sure there's a difference in like whatever the amount of milk to coffee ratio as a espresso, but I know that the milk is like a higher fat percentage. I'm pretty sure it's like a milk cream or whatever, I don't know, but it's so good and so creamy and smooth.

Speaker 1: 16:13

And then my snack of the week has been a toast with two fried eggs and some flaky salt on top. I'm just like absolutely living for it. It takes five seconds to make and I ate that. I came home today, shove that on the stove and just like scarf that down right now and honestly, it gave me such a good energy boost. So, yeah, that's been my favorite snack. Sometimes I'll do one egg, but usually two fried eggs on a piece of toast like a nice piece of like sourdough or rye bread. I'm a rye toast girly. I did get sourdough this time, like the pre. I love a sourdough if it's like a fresh loaf from the bakery, but not necessarily it's my favorite for this life spread. If it's a slice bread. I will always go for a rye and I like any rye marble rye, malt rye, all the rise like it can be any color rye seed rise, like I just love rye. Also now saying that I have no idea how to make rye bread. I gotta look that up because maybe I should try making a rye loaf one time, and I don't think I've ever bought like a fresh rye loaf of bread before, because I'm thinking, like the bakeries I go to I never see it. Okay, now I need to look up all about the rye breads, but that is my snack and drink of the week, so let's get into.

Speaker 1: 17:26

This week I learned okay cute, I kind of spoke on this already but this week I learned that I need to recenter my contentness within myself, and I'm by. I already spoke on this. It kind of had to do with like loneliness or feeling like I don't know, like I don't have enough time to do what I want to do. But then when I do have too much time, then I don't know what I want to do. So then I feel like I'm not wasting time, but like I don't know, and not FOMO, it's not missing out, I don't know how to explain it. Like sometimes I just feel like I don't know what I want. I think that's what it is. I don't know. I think that's the episode title, I don't know, but like recently, I'm also on my period, which we all know, that I told you last week I thought I was getting it and I did.

Speaker 1: 18:22

And that's always the time of the month where I just feel like I wanna like delete my life from social media. And I felt like that before even social media became a job. But like it's like 10 times worse when it is your job, because I don't know not worse, like worse for me feeling, like the feeling inside of me is like oh my gosh, like I just wanna like what is the point? And like it's this repetitive thing every day you have to share. But then when I love sharing, I love sharing it. Like I love when I get to share and I feel happy about it. But if there's a feel of force, like a feel of like I don't have anything to say to there, I don't wanna say anything, or I don't even wanna go on the app, like why do I have to? But then it's like why do I have to? And that's, I think, what I'm trying to figure out.

Speaker 1: 19:07

Like I think there's people who work in social media who like always post so many times a day and they're rigid and they stick to their schedule even when they don't want to, and they like they take that serious route of being like if I'm in it to win it, then I gotta do it now and like I think there was a time that I felt like that, but then anytime it felt forced, I really wasn't having fun. Or then people would start calling me out or people put their perceptions on me, like they'd comment and be like oh, you seem off today and maybe they're saying it from a nice place, maybe they're not, I don't know. But I just hate when people are like you don't seem like yourself, like I miss when you used to be like this or this or that. I just hate those comments. Like I hate the comments where people are like I miss this, I don't know what it is Like and I'm trying to think of like myself commenting on people's stuff.

Speaker 1: 19:58

But like, whenever even just one comment I could get, especially on my like Wednesday night vlogs, I feel like a lot of people are loving the Wednesday night dinner series and I'm loving it because it's a time when I really just get to cook and I'm not teaching, I don't have to talk to the camera and I can just like really be with the food and like I'm loving it, because I felt like for a year straight I never just was like with the food, I was just talking, talking, talking, teaching, teaching, teaching which is awesome. I love teaching when I have things to teach, but at the same time I also need time to just be with the food and with where Ro is at her in her life. Right now I don't have as much Like I do have more freedom in some aspect, but like during dinner time and stuff like that she's wanting to be, like she's needing me more and I'm so happy to be there for her. So it's just one of those things where it's like I just don't have as much freedom as I used to cooking time wise, because she doesn't take the same naps she does, and also like I don't like wasting food and I don't want to cook when it's not a meal time, if that makes sense. Like I want to have a nice meal all together as a family, or I don't want to cook just to cook, like, and then have too much food left over at the end of the week. So it's a fine balance and like I'm not coming on here to try and be complaining or anything. I am so appreciative, like I promise you I am, but like it's just been like this internal pull on my heart this past week and 100% it's because of like where I am chemically balanced right now.

Speaker 1: 21:28

Totally, I get where my cycle is, but at the same time, I always tell you, talk about how you feel. It makes you feel so much better and it's so true it does. And that's why I'm here to talk about how I feel. And if you feel like you don't want to be the earfruit to listen to that or it's too whiney or I'm really sorry. I just like, when I was thinking about what I was going to talk about this week, I just kept like circling the bush, I like had a few things and I was like just kept coming back to this feeling and like recently, like I feel like I've really been loving Instagram as a place to share.

Speaker 1: 22:04

It just feels so much less pressure. Like because TikTok, like literally, if I don't post, I lose like a hundred followers a day. Like if, for every day I don't post, it's like 5,200 followers every day that I lose, and that's like a weird feeling and I'm trying to like not even give space or energy to that number of those people. Because one, if it's people that are like I'm showing up on their For you page and they're like why do I follow you there? I'm following me, great. Like, do that please. Because I don't want, like protect my energy, right, like I don't want people on my page. You don't want to be there. You protect your energy, I protect mine. But then also I think it's part of just like TikTok's algorithm. Like they just delete people randomly.

Speaker 1: 22:43

Like I get comments all the time being like I haven't seen you in so long, oh my gosh, I didn't even realize I wasn't following you, or I was trying to find you and I couldn't find you, or whatever. So like I just feel like TikTok has this like thing where they really want you to be like with them 24, seven, like go, go, go, post, post, post. But I can't be that person. And then also then I feel like maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself to create like a more complex video where maybe I could just be like chill and like I kind of miss just eating with you guys and stuff like that. But then when I do those videos then I don't know, I just feel too much pressure sometimes that I like have to stay to stick to a genre or I'm letting people down, or, if I'm not doing this, or people start following me after the facts, they're like why are you doing that now?

Speaker 1: 23:30

But my point here being is that I just need to like stop thinking about other people and think about myself, like, which sounds selfish. But also we have to be selfish in our lives, right? Because, like, at the end of the day, it's my channel, my content, and if I'm like literally having a mental battle every day, like being like, oh, I have to post, and then, like I have filmed so many videos this past week and just like didn't post any of them because I, by the end of it, I just felt like crap, like literally I was, I was like I'd like finally pull myself into a mood like, okay, let's film, and then I film and I'd be excited about it, and then something. And then all of a sudden, I don't know, maybe like I just didn't feel as peppy or it didn't turn out or whatever. And I usually will post something if it doesn't turn out and be like, oh, it didn't work this time or whatever, but like then it's like so, like I didn't feel like the bounce back, my personality went like, oh yeah, like it's fine. I was just kind of like, oh, this is annoying. And so then it's just like I just didn't end up posting and it's like I'm just trying to like I don't know, not care, like literally, just not care. Like I care, like I don't know how to explain that Not care about what other people think, and just literally, just vibe, like that's what I'm trying to do. I think that's like what I want to do is just like vibe, just not care. I had this meeting. I think it all this all stems from literally.

Speaker 1: 25:01

I was at the beginning of TikTok. I was having so much fun just posting whatever I wanted and just having a great time with it. And then I started having meetings with management and I had this one meeting with this one manager who just like made me feel so insignificant and I don't know, made me feel like I shouldn't post videos if I knew they weren't gonna like perform really well, which it never did before. Like I always just post it because I felt like posting. And I still now try to only post because I feel like posting. But now it's like I'm trying to be even strategic with it. It's like, oh, there's no point in posting that because I know it'll underperform in comparison to anything else. But then so many people will end up like I might not be shown to as many people, but the people who do follow me will like it, or who cares Like I like it, so I don't know, it can be like a mental rollercoaster over here.

Speaker 1: 25:54

And then that all ties back into me talking about how, like I love when I can have like social time with people in person. Like that makes me feel so included and it charges me and it helps me to feel more thriving and in my life as a whole and it adds balance. But where, when I'm by myself all the time and like maybe the only thing I do outside of the house that day is like it doesn't mean to be outside of the house, the only thing I do that involves interacting with someone else, that day is that isn't Rosie or Trevor, is me dropping Ro off at school and picking her up, and then, by interacting with someone else, the only thing I'm doing is saying like hi and bye to her teachers. Like that is when it's like it'll be like a week of that straight. And then it's like I don't thrive well with that, like I've always worked for small businesses where you work with a small team of employees, like 10 or less, and you all just like have each other's back and it's social and it's fun. And even when it's not fun, it's you're still with the peeps, I don't know.

Speaker 1: 27:01

So I feel like I'm like on this whole right now, I'm just like in the depths of me, just like contemplating, which always happens. I'm telling you, this is like a common thing that happens like every month or two. I'm like I've got to miss being around people. Yeah, how can I make that? And then I think like how can I make like I have such a fortunate opportunity to work so flexibly, which I'm so grateful for, like literally so grateful for? And then I always try to think like how can I make that more of a community element, like how? Or more local, like I'm so grateful that for my great reach, and like worldwide reach, like international reach, like I'm grateful for that.

Speaker 1: 27:45

But at the same time it's like okay, how can I add in a local community element where maybe once a week there's like we go for walks or have I don't know, like coffee or a book club or I don't know something like that, because I just need like things like that. That's why Wednesday night dinner is such a great time for me, because it's one night a week where I know that Becca's coming over and I get to spend time preparing and making a video, which is work, awesome, but I feel really happy about it because then it ends at the end of the day with a social gathering and that's like the best of both worlds, so and that's when it's like amazing and I love it so much. So it's just about finding that balance. But yeah, anyways, I thought I would just like talk by myself through how I'm feeling right now.

Speaker 1: 28:34

I'm sorry if this episode's kind of I don't know I'm actually I just need to stop like this is what I mean. Like I need to stop looking at things like through potential other people's perspectives, because at the end of the day, I only know my perspective and I obviously hope that the people who enter my life and that I pass know that my heart is in a good place and that I never mean to offend anyone and that I'm here to support and love the people who are surrounding me and giving me love and support, but also obviously not Like I'm here to love on people who need love as well and don't have a full cup to share. But like I need to stop like perfecting the I don't know, trying to view myself through everyone's perspective. And I've talked about this, I think, at the very beginning, when I like first talked about kind of like growing on social media and like my first viral moments and whatever, and like I feel like I talked about that, how I always like was drawn to social media and would love to like do that more and enjoyed sharing and all of that stuff and it would be like a dream job. But then I was always like stopped.

Speaker 1: 29:49

I always stopped myself because I was afraid of people's perspectives and I don't like people sharing. Not that I don't like people sharing their opinions. I just don't like when people have opinions of me. I don't know how to explain it. But like I also just don't like a lot of the times it's like I don't want to hear what you wish I could do, or like I don't know how to explain it. I feel pressure when people tell me like, oh, I want you to do this and this and this.

Speaker 1: 30:14

And then it's like I don't want to do that, but like is that what I have to do? I don't know. I don't know how to explain it, but always I just hate being like I'm not someone who's ever asked people for their opinion like that's never been me. Like I've never put on an outfit and be like hey, does this look good? Or like, what do you think would make this look better? Like I feel like that's never been me. It's like I'm just. It's like I put something together and I feel great in it. And it's like I'm gonna rock it and like and I don't care what other people have to say and I feel like that's like. I know I gave an outfit anecdote there but I feel like that's me in, like every sense of the way.

Speaker 1: 30:48

Like it's like, it's like a, it's just how I like approach my life. It's like, oh, I'm gonna, I feel confident in doing it this way and that's the way I want to do it. And I mean that's a downfall and a positive like. It's positive because you stay true to yourself, but it can be a downfall, obviously in team settings where you need to be collaborative with other people and all that stuff. Like, and I try to work on that, obviously but yeah, so I just feel like sometimes it feels, I don't know, confusing like in my mind, because it's like a battle of me wanting more connection, but like I so value and appreciate my ability to have this flexibility, the schedule that I have now and always be able to be readily available for if someone needs help or if Rose gonna be sick, or to pick up and do something fun like literally, I'm so grateful and that's why it's like it's just where I am right now, like right now in this time of my cycle. I hope some of you can relate, and if you can't, then that's good.

Speaker 1: 31:56

Anyways, that is what I learned this week is that I just need to I don't know be more focused on what. Just like don't stop caring what other people think, and it's not even like what other people. Yeah, literally just stop caring what other people think. So, yeah, and numbers and metrics and all that stuff, like I literally don't care about that stuff. I never look at it. The only time I ever look at my metrics or whatever is when my management will send me a message being like hey, if I did a sponsor post, like, can you send us your metrics, like sure, like literally. I never look at any of that stuff, except for, obviously I can see anytime I go on TikTok that it's like such a drastic jump when I don't post on how many followers are loose. So, yeah, it just feels stressful. It's stressful because it's like I worked hard to gain people and I do understand.

Speaker 1: 32:47

Anyways, I just need to stop caring. Okay, so let's move on into a much happier topic. Well, roses, buds and thorns. But they can be happy inside there. Okay, cuties, my rose this week, I think, was just getting to spend so much lovely time with my, as I said, hometown friends, which I never call them that ever, but I'm gonna refer to them as that now. I love when I get to spend time with my besties. It doesn't happen very often, as life changes and we grow and we all move and we all have our own lives and spouses and children, like everything gets so busy and it just makes me feel so, so, so, so, so happy when I get to spend time with the people who I love the most. What is my thorn?

Speaker 1: 33:40

Ooh, I feel like just feeling like I've been battling myself internally and like I know, after I finish recording this, I'm gonna feel so much better for talking about it, even though it probably sounded like nonsense, because that's literally what I've been doing in my head is just going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And why can it feel so overwhelming to just have continuous conversations about, like something you're festering on in your head, like it can just be all consuming, and literally no one around you has no any idea that that's happening at that moment? And that's why, whenever I go for walks, even just around the block, and I see other people for walks and we don't touch base, like maybe I don't know them or whatever, we even say hi, but I always think like I wonder what they're thinking about on their walk and because, like, sometimes I'll be on a walk and I'm just like internally imploding. Other times I'm on a walk and I'm like, wow, the birds are so beautiful. And like, yeah, it's just like wild. But all we are all going through something whether it positive, negative, whatever every single day, and if we don't open up about it, then like nobody has any idea what it is, so it's just interesting. By the way, that's my thorn is that I've just been like in a mode, but I know that I know it's gonna pass. This shall to pass, what is my? But what am I looking forward to? I'm trying to think, oh, this weekend we're gonna go to the Royal Winter Fair, that'll be so fun, and we're gonna go with our friends we haven't seen in a while, so that'll be fun. And we took real last year with the same friends and she had so much fun. That was her first time and she loved the horses and cows and I'm looking for it to honestly like fair food. Like you know, give me that doll with funnel cake, all that good stuff. Like I'm looking forward to that. So, yeah, that'll be really, really nice to just have some good, wholesome, country, fair fun in the middle of downtown Toronto. I'm also just looking forward to doing my laundry and watching shows tomorrow. Okay, entertainment recap and statement recap and statement recap.

Speaker 1: 35:48

I was and just got stressed. I was like, oh my gosh, I realized you don't have my phone with me and I think it's downstairs and I have to go pick up row. Like I'm recording this literally right before I have to pick her up. But we're still good, I've still got 10 minutes, okay. So I have been watching Winter House and I just watched the new episode of Below Deck, my detranion. I'm still enjoying both thoroughly. Of course. I literally told you already these are my comfort shows.

Speaker 1: 36:17

I'm almost at my book lessons in chemistry. I have literally one chapter left. I woke up this morning so early and just was reading. I almost finished it and then I looked at the time I was like I need to get dressed. So yeah, I have one chapter left. I'm so excited we're gonna read it before bed. And usually I'm like kind of sad when a book ends, especially one that I really enjoy. But because I have that podcast episode the red heads didn't episode on it, I'm so excited to listen and then I'm gonna watch the show on Apple TV, so I can't wait for that.

Speaker 1: 36:46

Other than that, I honestly haven't consumed like anything because I've just been kind of go, go, go since I literally last talked to you. It's just been a whirlwind of a week. And then I also like think, like maybe that's why I'm feeling like so disconnected from who myself and like in general is because, one, it's like that time in the month. Two, I just had a really busy week and Trevor was away for a part of it, and then I am. I was often I've been off, I'm off my schedule that I normally have of like getting organized at the beginning of the week, and so everything's just kind of like tomorrow's gonna be such a new day, you know, like you know when you just go to bed, and tomorrow's really gonna be such a new day. And I think Trevor's getting sick and row was just sick like a week and a half ago and Trevor's getting sick. So you know, it's coming from me, babes, it's coming from me, but that's okay. Yeah, so that's literally all I've been doing is just like making pies and I'm like so exhausted and so I'm sorry that you've had to listen to this very exhausted episode from me, but sometimes cute, that's the energy I am, because that is who I am. I'm, I'm more, I'm a wholesome human being with lots of different sides and lots of different energy points. I love you all so much and I appreciate you being here, especially if you stuck around for this episode.

Speaker 1: 38:09

I really didn't want to skip this week and I'm happy that I was able to squeeze it in today, because I really don't think I would have been able to do it later. I am just ready for bed. I'm gonna go pick up a row. I think we're getting pizza tonight. I think we're gonna get odd bar, which is our like favorite takeout pizza from here, and we're gonna get I think it's called Detroit style.

Speaker 1: 38:31

It's so good. Basically, it's just like four sliced pizza. It's giant though like it's really filling. Like a slice is like really really filling, so I usually can eat like a. I'm like I'm so hungry I'm going for two and I can usually eat like one and then like a couple bites at the second one and I'm like, oh, I wish I just stuck to the one and save then the other full one for tomorrow. But anyways, it's like a square pizza that's like kind of pan fried style, like it's got like the really crispy crust, so like there's obviously oil put into the pan and then it has cheese and sesame seeds and then the sauce is like spooned on top of like the cheesy part and it's just so good and I don't know if the sauce is baked with the sauce on or if they spoon the sauce on after the fact. I'm not sure about the cooking process, but either way it's so good.

Speaker 1: 39:20

Oh, I just got a text from a friend who I have literally been missing so much. Oh my gosh. Yeah, we're gonna see each other next week. Oh, cutie, see, this is my reminder for you, cutes. When you are feeling okay, I'm getting so many texts from her, sorry, but when you are feeling left, not left out, I'm not, I'm not feeling left out, that's not what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 1: 39:46

When you were feeling disconnect, especially from yourself, like reach out to those people in your life, especially when it's like you're having those lonely moments, or you feel just like I'm, like craving something, whatever it is you're craving, like put in the effort to make it happen and so, and and that's the best thing you can do like actionable steps are so good. Talking about how you're feeling instead of festering, and actionable steps to make it better or go in the direction that you would like to move are the things that can really really help you. Okay, I love you all so much. Cuties, I'm excited to read my chapter tonight. Go to sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and doing laundry. Ah, okay, you're all the best. You rock my world, literally like the podcast. Peeps are so incredible, so incredible. You know me and I wish I all knew you so much better. We got to get to know each other even better. Okay, love, love, love you.