...feeling emotionally vulnerable

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey everyone, you're listening to 5 Years Time with your host, grace Black. Hey cuties, grace here, welcome back to 5 Years Time podcast. Happy December. It really feels like a December in here. I'm surprised I didn't put my blanket on. I am having a debate, but it's going to be tricky to do it because it's under me and I'm on top of it and I can't really get to it without my moik mic falling over. Anyways, that's okay, we are where we are. I'll get nice and snugly with my words. Welcome back to another episode. Cutes, I've missed you. Thank you for allowing me this pause, this hiatus in the middle.

Speaker 1: 1:02

We ended up all being just a house full of sickies. It was one of us was sick, then passing it to the other one and the other one and the other one. I think the last episode I recorded was very much an accurate representation of the season that I was just about to go in. There I think I talked about how maybe Ro was sick at the time, I'm not sure, but anyways, how I didn't think I was getting sick or not feeling well, but I was feeling all these down emotions and whatever. Anyways, yes, I was getting sick and yes, it was going to be a long process to recover, because as soon as each of us started feeling better, the next one would start feeling down. Thankfully, there was always one of us to feel good, and me and Trevor were not ever overlapping in our sickness, which is good. When there's a parent who can always be on the ball and not feeling like a potato, that is the best situation. Anyways, it is now December, we are on the ups. I still have a nasally voice. I feel like that always happens. After you get sick is when you sound. The worst is afterwards. What can you do about that? I am so glad to have had that time where we were just feeling low energy and down. I mean, when you do feel sick, that's not the fun part, but I was glad that we were able to just slow down together. I think it kind of shifted my perspective.

Speaker 1: 2:33

Going into this holiday season, we're actually going to be taking it very low key. Typically we host something for everyone, usually New Year's, and I was actually looking forward to doing that this year, but someone else jumped the gun or not jump the gun, but someone else put their name into the ring before we had the opportunity to. At first I was like, oh man. Then I was like you know what I'm actually looking forward to? Maybe hosting a little bit more intimately this year and just spending more of that quality time with people on individual levels, as opposed to when you host a group of people, like a large group of people are. All are bringing all different people from different walks of your lives together. A lot of the time is not getting to spend that one-on-one good quality time. It's still so fun and wonderful and I love doing it, but there's positives and negatives to everything, right, anyways, yeah, so, kicking off December, which is truly our holiday time, I am so excited to be back on the pod.

Speaker 1: 3:39

I've been having a lot of discourse in my mind on if I was going to just take a break for the rest of the year and come back in January, but I really wanted to come and close off the year together. I feel like there's so much goodness that's happened this year and reflection and low and highs and all of the good stuff that we come here to talk about on five years time. I would have been sad not to spend this time with the cuties. I have some very exciting things coming up in the next week or so. So get ready for that. I don't want to hint too much at it, but just know that we're really going to end the year with a celebration and I am so excited to share this gift with you. But, yeah, I'm not going to say much more than that, but I've been working hard on something special for all my cuties out there.

Speaker 1: 4:40

As you know, this podcast is where my true heart is. It is where I really bear. Oh no, my recording stopped. I'm trying to record on, I'm trying to record on something different. I don't think it's going to work. Anyways, I was going to try and record on my other camera for the video component, but you know what? Let's just not even do video today. I'm not even going to stress about it, because we have something exciting coming up that's going to be filled with lots of fun and good video. Today is just about voiced ear and the true old podcasting way that it is.

Speaker 1: 5:25

Another update on that note is that, while I was on that little hiatus of November, the platform that I typically use to record by podcast which I have a whole episode all about how to start a podcast and everything that I use, and I talk more in depth about that platform, but they've changed their what is it called subscription model and it's now not a free service, which they did that a while ago and there was other options or whatever. But anyways, it was a phenomenal service and I'm not against it at all. I love it. I need to look into what my options are moving forward, but that's a big thing. So now I'm recording just like right onto my computer and that's totally fine for now, but it takes away my accessibility to doing video recording so effortlessly. I used to do video recording this way, where I record audio on my computer and then I would do video separate and then I would have to combine the two and like sync up the recording, and it's totally doable. It just takes a lot, a lot of time, which is why I had stopped sharing the videos on YouTube, for I think that was during season two, and I've done pretty good for season three with this new interface that I use, but unfortunately it's just like changed and I need to actually have a moment to sit down and figure out what I'm going to do moving forward. So that's why this episode will be podcast only. I was going to attempt to do it, but I have a different camera now and it does not work the same way that my old camera used to work, which I just learned. So that is the learning process of trial and error, but I am so excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 7:10

We have a really exciting month ahead of us, so get strapped in. Today we're going to be catching up a lot on this past month and also just talking about being a sponge. I feel like I'm in this time of my life, this phase right now, where I'm very much absorbing everything around me. I think we always are but I'm very much I don't know sensitive to the energies and environments that I'm in at the moment, and it's feeling a little overwhelming at times. But before we get into that, let's do a weekly recap or I guess more like a monthly recap.

Speaker 1: 7:46

I think I left off saying that I was craving more in-person connection, which is funny because a month later, I now feel like I'm kind of feeling overwhelmed by my connections with people. It's funny how things can go up and down. But, that being said, I just think right now, in this moment, I am feeling that I don't know that need. I'm not sure if it's a need for privacy. I don't think that's what it is, but maybe just like a need for I'm trying to think of what it is A need for more positive energy in my life. Maybe that's what it is, but anyways.

Speaker 1: 8:36

So I actually ended up well, I've only gone once because I'm getting all sick and I'm not sure if it's something you join or just like attend, but I ended up attending a public club that it's a running club that does walking as well, and I'm not sure if I talked about this or not on the podcast, but I had three signs from the universe. I saw someone in the community wearing their swag. I'd heard about them before and I was like, oh yeah, I should go to that. I totally forgot about it. Then I went and followed them on Instagram because they popped up on my Instagram and I was like, oh, I should follow them so I keep remembering, or so that at least they consistently can remind me, like through that social media platform. And then one of you guys the cuties had messaged me being like hey, just so you know, like I recently moved close to the area and I started going to this club, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh my gosh, okay, three things in one week, I have to go, and so I did end up going that Saturday and I had an amazing time and it was so fun and it was at a great venue and basically I walked because I'm not a runner it's too harsh on my knees, but they're super accepting to everybody in every pace. And so me and Rao went and we walked and I actually got to hang out with the cutie and it was so wonderful and I met I met a few other cuties who actually go to this club as well, and so it was just amazing, and so it was a really truly like one of those things where it was like wow, like how have I not been part of this community? Because it's been a club that I've known about since pretty much. We moved here, which was like three years ago, and I also ended up walking and getting to I, someone else was walking, and they just came and walked with me and got to spend time getting to know them and it was so wonderful and it just felt like a really warm environment. And, that being said, I need to start going again because we're all feeling so much better.

Speaker 1: 10:29

But now, you know, it's the time of the season where our weekends are very. They do do very. They do do midweek things, but that's always a little harder with me and having a kid and whatever flexible schedules. But the weekend one Is good and it's like really early in the morning, not really, but the weekend when, I think, starts at like 8, 30 in the morning, so it's like first thing in the morning. You don't usually have a plan that early, so yeah, I should, I should look into what's going on this weekend. So that's update number one. That was great. I need to start going again. Number two I guess we had our kickoff to Christmas, which is our annual, officially annual, because we this is our second year doing it. So now it is a tradition when we go to the Santa Claus parade up north in Miss Goka with my family and it's so fun, my extended family, so my cousins, their kids, my aunt's mom goes all that stuff and Ro loves it because she gets to spend time with we call them cousins I guess they technically are her second cousins, but the cousins and it's just a lovely weekend away.

Speaker 1: 11:33

It's nice to be up north. It always feels so festive up there and we see, watch the Santa Claus parade, we spend time with family and eating good food and hanging out and getting to know you, getting to know each other, getting to hear about each other's lives and updates and all of that stuff. And Ro is so cute. After the Santa Claus parade she turns to me, my mom, me and my mom and is like I just love when we kick off the Christmas season. I was like you are the cutest. So, yeah, that was a really wonderful weekend away. We get to enjoy Webber's, which is a delicious burger joint that's on the way up To Miss Goka and it's just so good and it is such a childhood staple. So always feels nostalgic getting it and enjoying sharing it with Ro. Last year it was like pouring rain, so I remember we got it to go, but this year we went and we ate in the train and everything. And that's always the good memory, because they have, like these Trains that are no longer in service that they use as like the restaurant to sit in and enjoy your food.

Speaker 1: 12:34

I'm trying to think. I feel like there's so much stuff that's happened so it's very hard to remember every little thing, but I'm really giving you the highlights here. I Feel like In our house. I am so glad I spoke about this, how I was like a November 1st cutie putting up my Christmas lights and like I am so glad I did that because it's just, I told you last year we ended up getting sick around this time and I hadn't done anything. And then I felt like the week before Christmas. It wasn't even a scramble, it was like a convincing like oh, should I put up stuff? Obviously I should put up stuff, but I just like was not in the mood. I felt like such a little scrooge last year and so this year I'm so glad that I did it early, because it really has been just wonderful Getting out a little bit of stuff here and there. We haven't done our tree yet, but we are doing that this upcoming week and I'm so excited. I told you we're cutting down a tree this year. I can't wait. It's just gonna be the bees knees To take row for her first tree cutting down Situation.

Speaker 1: 13:37

Apparently, christmas trees are like hard to come by. This year it's been on the news. Everyone's like saying all this stuff, they're gonna run out. And I'm like, of course, the year that I choose to cut down a tree, but we did find a farm that I guess their way to combat Like losing of trees too early or not losing, but running out of trees too early in the season, is that they're doing like scheduled, very much like COVID protocol. They're doing like schedules, so everyone has to like choose a time slot and you could only get one tree and like per family or like per your time slot, and that's how they're guaranteeing that they'll have enough trees Closer to the Christmas season, which I guess you want to do with Christmas trees, because a lot of people don't want to get them till closer because they they aren't there is, there are something they are, oh my gosh, something you have to keep alive and Fresh and you want it to be most fabulous I'm assuming the week of Christmas. So, yeah, I didn't think we'd go this early. I thought we would be going a little bit closer, because as a kid, I feel like we always went like two weeks before, maybe even only one week before Christmas and so, but we want to make sure we get a tree. So we got our time slot in. We're booked and busy, but yeah, so I'm really looking forward to that.

Speaker 1: 14:54

I've just been really enjoying Spending time in the home, like I've made our living room so cozy recently and I actually just made our basement our Basements where our TV is in our rec room and I've put in a carpet and Repurposed a carpet. I took the carpet out of our room which, as Trevor says, we need a carpet in our room. Actually, kind of like it without the carpet, but we will get a carpet. I just that carpet I didn't love so much for our bedroom. I felt like it was too big and I thought it would be better for that rec room and it makes it Ultimately so cozy and I've been spending so much time down there, which has been so nice. I love when I can utilize other areas of our house and so that's just been so nice and it's so cute row.

Speaker 1: 15:37

One morning we usually hang out in the living room, but one morning, after I Refreshed the rec room, she was like, oh, let's go down there. And then we were sitting there watching a show and she was all of a sudden. She was like whoa, mom, it's like this is another living room. And I was like, yeah, because our upstairs living room was quite cozy it doesn't have a TV in there though and she's like, wow, we have two living rooms. And I was like kind of, I said I said honestly we have like lots of living space.

Speaker 1: 16:04

Like a living room was just a place where you sit and hang out, but this is. I guess you could call this a rec room, to not be confused. I think other people call it like rumpus rooms. What do you call your TV or TV rooms? Like what do you call your not and I was gonna say formal living room? But like our living room, to be saying that it's not even a formal living room? Like I know some people have living rooms to living rooms or a sitting room. Oh, it's so confusing. But I know some people do have a formal living room which they really don't use unless companies over and they kind of keep it like clean and pristine at all times and if someone drops by Then you can have tea or whatever in there. But it's not like a place where the kids and the family you just like hang out and do whatever and but like our living room on our main floor really is like a the heart, one of the hearts of the home, because I'd say our kitchen is probably the biggest heart, but like we do spend probably the most time chilling in that space as a family all together, but anyways. So I've just been really taking time to cozy our house. I'm still on my declutter kick and I will continue that forever and always probably.

Speaker 1: 17:14

But yeah, I just really I need to do our closets. I feel like every year I come on this podcast and I talk about how much our closets bring me stress and it is that time of year like I never switched over our friend Hall closet this past spring To our summer spring closet, so it always had the winter coats and boots in there and then I just put our summer spring coats in there and now we're back to winter. So I never did it because our winter coats already in there, but it is literally busting at the seams because it has everything. It has all the boots, all the shoes, all the sandals, all everything and all of the coats and it has all of like row has because she's just like growing. All the time I'm always buying new shoe sizes, new coats, new this or not necessarily new, new, new, but like you know what I mean, like having to get new sizes, and so I feel like I just need to go through and Donate so much of that, get rid of what's not good anymore and also just put away the summer stuff, like we don't need our flip flops right now and we don't need our light jackets.

Speaker 1: 18:16

So yeah, I need to do that, but, and honestly, it's not even that big of a task. I actually enjoy doing it. It's just one of those things that's so easy to put off because you just close the door and it's like it doesn't exist. But then those days when you go in to get a coat, you're like, ah, you're like so upset, you're like, oh my gosh, it's like sending you into a spiral. Yeah, so it's not worth it.

Speaker 1: 18:36

For those moments I need to just do it. Maybe I'll do it after school today. Maybe I can tell row, row keeps me so accountable, I can always tell her, remind me to do this, and she will always remind me. So maybe I can say, like today we need to clean out the closet. Let's put on some music, have a fun clean up the closet time and enjoy after school snack. That's, that's the plan. We'll see, we'll see.

Speaker 1: 18:59

It also involves bringing up like a bin from downstairs to put all that stuff in, and then you know, the bin lives in the kitchen for too long because by the time I'm done, I'm too tired to take it downstairs. And then it's just like, wow, we all know how the decluttering and cleaning game goes like. Sometimes it's so hard to just like start and finish totally the whole task complete, yeah. But anyways, I've just been really, really focusing on creating cozy mornings, enjoying really good morning routines and Just spending that, that meaningful time even though it's dark now, just spending that meaningful time, like being very present While I'm experiencing those hours of darkness. But like, that being said, my mornings are doing good, but my evenings, oh my gosh, I can't stop falling asleep.

Speaker 1: 19:56

At eight o'clock even like last night, me and Trevor watched a show Downstairs in our new second living room, in the rec room, which is so nice to spend time down there and watch a show, but it's like I can't not fall asleep. I wanted to watch her, so I was into the show eight o'clock, snoring, and then, like you know, you do the thing where you like wake up and you're like, hopefully the person didn't notice I fell asleep and then Trevor was like shaking me and I was like what? I'm awake? He's like no, you were not awake, you were snoring so much. I was like I don't know what you're talking about, but yeah, anyways, then I just like want to get upstairs to my bed as quickly as possible, and there's no like, once I fall asleep on the couch, there's no coming back from that like, put me in bed and Good night. That being said, I didn't wake up in the middle of the night, which is good, because a lot of the times, if I'm fall asleep early, I'll wake up in the middle of the night. But I didn't, so I was happy about that, and that's all I can ask for. Like, honestly, I'm fine to fall asleep early, whatever, as long as I'm not waking up in the middle of the night, as long as I'm having a good, full rest, I'm happy.

Speaker 1: 21:00

But yeah, another thing I've been doing and adding into my morning routines has been going for morning walks. Every day, after I drop off row, I'll just go for a walk, and if it can't be right away, then I'll make sure to get in, and that's another point it's really. But like in the first the, if I can do it right before I have to like go back to the house, it makes such a difference. It just puts me in a good mindset. It helps me, let go. It helps me just like feel energized and Give myself like um time to work through what my hopes and dreams for the day are, what my to-do list is, because sometimes if I just like drop off real and come home, it's like I feel like a slug and a snail and I find it really hard to get started and concentrate and focus on projects that I want to complete or work on or whatever. So that's been a really big thing. But that's pretty much what this past month has consisted of rest and then all of that and it's been a really good mix of everything that I love.

Speaker 1: 22:03

But recently, aka probably the past couple days, like maybe the past four days or so I've just felt this absorption of energies around me and people's people, other things like things that I feel like have nothing to do with me or maybe I don't know like I just feel like I'm I'm festering and taking in other people's stuff and it's like making me feel like I want to be disconnected and I know that's not what I want. I've been talking about how I want to find connection and all of these things Recently. It's just been feeling really overwhelming and it makes me feel like I just want to, you know, go away and like just go somewhere where nobody is obviously Trevor and Ro come with me but like just go somewhere where nobody knows me and has no expectations of I don't know anything, and just be on my own and just not start over with, just like feel freedom. But that being said, I know that like it's going to be okay and this is just the moment I'm in right now, but I think I'm just like trying to figure out how I can support myself through this time. So let's get into this week I learned.

Speaker 1: 23:29

This week I learned I learned that I am not always in control of how I feel, which is too cited, right, because ultimately I am in control, but it takes time to find that sometimes and you get what you're doing sometimes and you get lost in other people's thoughts and other people's processes and other people's expectations and other people's stuff that has nothing to do with you, like they're just sharing it with you and you're like absorbing the information and it's like too much, like you just like. It's like you're not even too much in the moment they're doing it, but afterwards you're like, oh wait, I think this is affecting me, it's affecting my sleep, it's affecting my dreams, it's affecting the way that I process, how I live in my life, it's affecting how I'm thinking, how other people are perceiving it's just like a lot, and I don't normally feel like that, like I normally can separate those two things, and I maybe I am on my period, so maybe I'm in that point in my life or in my cycle where I am more sensitive to my surroundings. I also am feeling like I am. I'm kind of in a vulnerable state in my working life at the moment because I've been spending, I really, to slow down the second half of this year and was sorting out what my boundaries are and all of this stuff for sharing online, but then, and also like just haven't been as much as I'm just a stickler on myself for having to meet other people's expectations, which is what I want. Like I want that. I'm happy for that, but I know that that puts me in a vulnerable place in an online space and that other people may believe that that's I don't know. They can have their own perceptions and feelings over like what I've been sharing or not been sharing or all of this stuff, and I'm fine with that. Like, literally, that's probably the lowest on the totem pole of what's affecting me, but, like because I already am feeling that in my life right now, it's just adding on to it I shared on my Instagram yesterday like this person had commented.

Speaker 1: 25:49

I haven't been really active in my comments over the past week or so, just because I've been in this, this mental mind place, and I don't want to. I don't want to like, I just know it's not good for me to be in the comments right now. I know myself right now and that's just not where I want to be, not because I'm gonna do something bad, but because it's gonna affect me and how I internalize things. And like, even though 90%, 99% of the people actually are so fabulous the QT's are amazing, I love them so much, they have so many good things to say and when I do see the comments, they make me feels a good way. But every so often, this one will come in and that's why I'm trying to avoid the comments.

Speaker 1: 26:26

And then, all of a sudden, I just like logged on to tick tock and someone had said something so absurd. Like it was along the lines of like I can't watch your videos anymore because you went to Italy and didn't share your itinerary. Like that was so disappointing. I was like you're what? I just like I had to comment back to that person because I was like, do you even realize what you're saying? I usually never comment back to people who just like are negative or saying whatever. But I just said to them like please unfollow. Like you, I, first of all, I did post my itinerary and maybe it's not the itinerary, you want it, but I also vlog to literally every single day. I was in Italy and I didn't have to do that and maybe I shouldn't do that moving forward, if this is what people think.

Speaker 1: 27:09

But, like I was so happy for the vlogs. I love them, I look back on them all the time and maybe it's something I just need to do for myself, but like this person's entitlement over my life just made me feel so icky. It was such a strange thing and like I and and so I clicked on them because I was like okay, hopefully they're not following me, at least I just popped up in their FIP like if I'm so devastating to them, and then they were following me and I was like why? Like normally I would just block someone like that, but I was like I want to give them some food for thought. I was like, please just unfollow me, like I'm, if my, if my content is disappointing to you, like, why are you here?

Speaker 1: 27:48

And it's just one of those things where it honestly didn't make me feel like negative or sad or upset or like, oh, I've let this person down. I didn't feel that at all. I just felt like kind of gross by the, by the idea of someone having this expectation of me to, to, to give them whatever they want at a, at a whim. You know what I mean. Like and like. I'm not. Like, if anything, the in, like I'm not a travel influence. I was not paid to go on that trip. I paid for it and we did that as a family trip.

Speaker 1: 28:24

It was not something that I had to share on. Social media was not part of my job. It was none of that stuff. It was something that I chose to share and I worked really hard on and had so much fun booking it. As you know, I've talked about it here, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But it's just one of those things where it's like, why? Why do people out there feel so entitled? Like? I have not that kind of viewer. I do not feel that way, like when someone shares something, I'm grateful that I got to experience it and maybe I have questions or maybe I think something about. I'm like, oh, it'd be amazing if they could share this, and if they don't, I literally probably never think about it again. Or it's just like I understand, like they don't have to share, like it's okay. Um, yeah, it's just.

Speaker 1: 29:05

It was one of those things that just kind of like Whatever anyways, I shared it on my Instagram story because, like, I feel like my Instagram followers like Currently TikTok I've talked about this is just like I have no idea what's going on over there, whatever, but like my videos don't get pushed out to, like they get pushed out to random people or every so often I feel like everyone I get pushed out to it's like oh, I haven't seen you in so long, so it's just not people who've been upkeeping with me For so long. So I just feel like it's not as much of a community over there. We're like TikTok or where Instagram. I feel like you really have that community. You have your stories you can share on the DMs. I feel like your content is pushed out to the people who follow you and choose to be there and it's just like I know that's like a safe space for me to go and talk.

Speaker 1: 29:51

So, yeah, I just shared that and like put out a little disclaimer that like I'm grateful, I'm so grateful for this opportunity to like publicly share my life and have people support me in a way that allows me to create income and Support my family and support my dreams and my ambitions and all of these things. Like I'm so grateful for that truly. But, on that note, like my life is my life and like no one has the ability to To purchase it from me, like really truly, like I am not giving. Well, I guess that, that being said, I am giving away, like what I want for free, but like I am not, I choose property. Like I'm not someone's property, I choose what I want to share. I choose what makes me feel comfortable and like someone coming and asking for something like that, like was that even asking? It's not even.

Speaker 1: 30:44

Like you could have just said like hey, like I Never saw your itinerary, did you share it? I would have literally been like yeah, like here it is. I would have tagged you in the video. I'd have been like here's the video at blah blah blah, but like it's just one of those things where I just was like I just need to be more vocal and I always feel better when I put out into the universe like what my Expectations are and my boundaries and all of that, especially because I've been working so hard on them this year to Decide what they are and also know that I'm flexible with them. Like I'm not flexible, like if I set a boundary, it's boundary, but also that like it doesn't have to be forever. I can always come back and say hey, whatever, but like we're forever changing anyway.

Speaker 1: 31:25

So that's one thing, but that fell on top of me just feeling like I'm absorbing Everybody's energies around me in this moment and like there's so many other things that have been going on where I just feel like I Feel like other people in my life or not even in my life. Necessarily you could just live close to me and I don't really even know you, but I just feel like I'm Taking on a lot of different feelings right now and it's not that I don't want to say it's weighing me down, I just think it's clouding me, like it's clouding. It's clouding who I am and it's clouding like how I feel and it's like making me work extra hard through a bunch of like Swamp water in my mind to get to what I want to do, which is why these morning walks that I've been doing have been helping so so much, because it's just a time where I can like Throw in a podcast or just listen to the waves of water. If I go walk down by the water and just like re-center myself and kind of like Swim through the muckiness and get to like a bit more clarity, because I just feel like I'm in this time right now when I'm really absorbing and I I've never I'm sure there's times in my life where I felt like this, but I've never really been like an absorber. I definitely know people in my life who, like I feel, absorb other people and it it's. It can be such a beautiful thing because you can be truly like you have, you can really feel empathy for people and have this beautiful connection. But also it can really be like this negative that just like pulls you down where you might even be taking in things that aren't even real. It's just how you perceive whatever the situation is, or how you then process someone else's situation in your mind. It can just be very overwhelming, and I'm sure so many of you have felt like this before. But this is just where I am right now and you know, when I come to the podcast and I talk about it, I'll always feel so much better after. So I was like cute, so we got to sit down and talk about this.

Speaker 1: 33:20

But honestly, I'm just in this time of my In my life where I just want to. I don't know like. I just want it to be simple. I want I know that life isn't always cupcakes and rainbows. I really truly know that, but I do want it to be more. I'm trying really hard, especially with this morning routine and just making things really simple and enjoying the small moments. I'm always trying to live for that and so that's what I'm trying to do.

Speaker 1: 33:50

And it just feels like sometimes I don't know like a kick, a kick down, a kick when you're down I'm not even down like it just feels like, oh, like I feel like I was working so good at feeling good and making sure that I Was having a clear mind and like trying not to have other people affect me and all this stuff, and then, like this comes out of nowhere and it's kind of like oh, this isn't something I'm used to experiencing, but that is the beauty of life, isn't it? This is teaching me something, and we all can't just run away and be on our own and live on an island and not have to Talk to anyone, because that also has its downside, everything has its downside and everything has its upside. But, yeah, I'm just like in this absorption mode and I'm really trying to I don't know if it's that I I Think I don't. I don't know what it is, I don't know if it's that I don't want to absorb or I don't know like I just feel I Feel too much responsibility for things that I shouldn't even feel responsibility for. I think that's, I think that's the issue, and so I'm just trying to, yeah, re-center myself and really let go and really just like not care. I feel like there's like this quote, that's like it's not your what I'm not even know what it is, but it's something like why are you thinking about what other people are thinking about? Like it's none of your business, like other people's opinions of you or another business, like other people's opinions of you or another business I think that's it. But like it's not even about people's opinions of me necessarily, but like other people's opinions in general, like it's, like, it's none of my business, like Just don't think about it. No, no, don't carry it. Okay, don't carry it. But yeah, that's where I'm at this week and I'm working through it, so let's get into our. We never did snack and drink of the week, sorry, cute, it's been a while. I'm a little thrown off, so let's do our snack and drink of the week. Today I have water. I'd love to tell you that's my drink of the week, but it's not. But it is what I have.

Speaker 1: 35:52

I Am living. If you've been following me on tiktok, I've been doing morning coffee every day, which I used to do all the time, and, yeah, it's been something nice to bring back. It's just been feeling really cozy and I feel like the people who come to those videos, like I'm learning slowly the different energies that I get for videos and I feel like the people who come to the morning videos are really truly the cuties that Bring warmth and love into my life and I love that. But my favorite thing at the moment is a double shot of espresso over ice in my cute little mug with a dash of cream. I'm just loving it, like it is so delicious I can't stop. And then my snook this is hard. I really feel like it's potato chips.

Speaker 1: 36:41

I am like obsessing over potato chips right now. I love potato chips. It's my favorite favorite thing, like probably my favorite type of like snack food is probably a potato chip, but like just a classic. I like the wavy bass, but Ro want it to get like, you know, lay's original, like the thin ones, which also equally delicious, and so I've just been really enjoying that. I also got sun chips, which I haven't had sun chips in so long.

Speaker 1: 37:07

Who remembers when sun chips had those really noisy bags Like, is that, was that real? I do remembers that they I think they were supposed to be like plantable, like fully organic or not organic organic bags, fully disposable what is that called Compostable? But they were so noisy, like so noisy. I feel like that was a pipe dream. Was that real?

Speaker 1: 37:34

Anyways, I've been having, I have been having sun chips and Ro asked for some the other day and it was the cutest thing ever. She was like mommy, can I have some sunflower chips? They're really delicious. I just love that she called them sunflower chips. That's so cute. So, yeah, those are my snacks of the week. I'm a drink, okay.

Speaker 1: 37:54

So now that we've got a little backwards forwards with that, let's get into our roses, buds and thorns. Hmm, my rose, rose, rose, rose. I'm trying to think. I feel like there's probably a few, so I really want to choose a good one. We haven't had one for a while, so it needs to be something so special. Hmm, okay, I know what it is.

Speaker 1: 38:27

Yesterday, me and Rowe went for ice cream and there's something about ice cream in the wintertime that just hits Like. Personally, I do not like melted ice cream, so I feel like, naturally, like wintertime ice cream is my favorite kind. But we went to Marble Slab, which I love. Marble Slab, like there are so many Marble Slabs now. I don't know if it's just like where I live, but like growing up I did not have any Marble Slabs. I think the closest I just remember the closest one being like a couple cities over. Anyways, I love Marble Slab and I can think of two that I can go to that are close. So it's like what. There are so many Marble Slabs now, but and now they do unlimited toppings. At one point you used to have to pay for the mixins, but now you get unlimited. This is the first time I ever brought Rowe to Marble Slab as like a guess child who chooses her own things. Like I'm pretty sure we've been there before, but maybe just when she was like a little baby maybe one, one and a half and so she was obsessed. And then all of a sudden I was literally filled with overjoyed. Like I first of all love Marble Slab, it's my favorite.

Speaker 1: 39:33

I always get like a pretty simple flavor of ice cream. Sweet cream is usually my favorite and I always get raspberries mixed in, because then it's like a sweet cream raspberry situation. And then I like nerds. I like gummy bears. Yes, I do like when gummy bears get hardened ice cream. I know some people don't like that, but I have always liked that since I was a child going to basket and robins. I would always get my gummy bear mixins. But anyways, I get the nerds because I love the tartness. I think it goes well with the raspberries.

Speaker 1: 40:02

I get the gummy bears, I get the M&Ms. I'm trying to think. I feel like there's one other thing I get, but I can't think of what it is. And then, if I'm in the mood, I get sprinkles. I gotta tell you, sprinkles is one of those things where you think like, oh, it's just sprinkles, like it doesn't add any value other than being cute and colorful. But there's something about sprinkles, like if you go to an ice cream truck, when you get sprinkles it elevates, like it makes it better, like it really does even taste better, like it's so good. So, anyways, I didn't get sprinkles, but sometimes I do.

Speaker 1: 40:33

Anyways, ro was so excited. First of all I felt like we were in Italy with the amount of flavors there were, because that's how it is with the gelato there's like so much. So I read through everything and she I knew she was going to get the mixed one because she like loves the. You know how Laura Seacort has like the super what is it called Super hero ice cream or whatever, which just looks so unappealing but, like to a kid, the best thing ever. So they have their own. They call it unicorn something and it's I think it was banana, I don't know, it was three flavors mixed together, but anyways she chose that one, which was the very first one I read when I read through all of them and then, when it came to toppings, they have them like all out, so you can like see them. Oh, she was just in heaven. She was so, so, so excited and so she got all her toppings Like I swear, every topping. This girl was like I'm loving the mix and I'm going to get a little bit of mix.

Speaker 1: 41:27

And then we sat and we enjoyed and it was so nice and we actually had dessert first. Well, like, we went to Marble slab after school I actually had to go to my mom's and help her with something and then we went to Marble slab, but so we went before dinner, which just threw me back to me and my bestie T, when we were in our like 20s. I had just moved back from Ottawa and she was just finishing up school or had gone into another program. Anyways, we were both, I want to say, single ladies, but we weren't. I was dating Trevor at the time, but she was a single lady at this moment and, like, honestly, like me, dating Trevor was like the same concept because he lived a few cities over. So, like you know, we weren't with each other every single day, and so we would just go out, like I swear, all the time, multiple times a week, and we would always get dessert and then go for dinner, and that was like our thing. We always did that, and so I was all of a sudden just like thrown back to that. I was like, oh my gosh, I haven't done this in so long, where we like intentionally go for dessert and then we didn't go out for dinner Like me and Ro, we just went home and made dinner. But it was so fun and now I want to do it more often and I also had to like be like Tiana. I did that today.

Speaker 1: 42:37

Ah, we used to go, me and my friend Tiana used to go this place in Toronto which doesn't exist anymore. It was called Sweet Flower, it was in High Park and they made, made, made, make to order or order to made to order I think that's moving made to order cookies. So it was a cookie bar place where basically behind the window they had toppings and then they had cookie dough. So there was like a plain cookie dough, an oatmeal cookie dough, a peanut butter cookie dough, maybe a chocolate cookie dough, I'm not sure. I would always get peanut butter, and then you would scoop your cookie dough and then you would choose your toppings, and so I always got like pretzels and a chocolate of some sort, so score or whatever there was, and I always love to salty sweet. There was like chips. There was all different chocolates. It was everything. You could get anything you want. So then they would mix your cookie dough and then they would bake it fresh right there and then I would top it with a chocolate icing so they had different icings. You could do as well I've got a chocolate icing and then you would sit.

Speaker 1: 43:35

It was like a cafe that made, made to order cookies and you would sit and enjoy your cookie that you just customized. It was literally the best place ever. I think I took everyone there, like me and Tiana went there at least once a week and then anytime anyone was like, hey, do you want to do something? I was like, let's go to sweet flour. It was the best bakery ever. I literally am so disappointed that it doesn't exist anymore. I think it actually exists in a totally different concept. Like I think they went fully into doing what is it called like corporate cookie orders and stuff like that. Like they don't do the fresh to. They don't have that concept anymore where you can do the make. Go into the cafe. But it was such a good place and everyone was there. Everyone loved it, like everyone who had music lessons or whatever going on in high park. I know they would go there. You could see them with their instruments. I think there must have been a music lesson place, like upstairs or right by it. And that just reminds me.

Speaker 1: 44:29

Sorry, this is like long but meaningful, because I'm telling you about my childhood. Well, that was my early adulthood, but that just reminds me of when I used to take music lessons with my brother, and it was above this restaurant in a Tobacco called Lenny's, which still does exist, and it is amazing. Lenny's is 10 out of 10. Fantastic. They always have the best take home lasagna deal, if you're ever looking. Their salad is so good, all of their pasta is so good. But anyways, our music lessons were above that, and so my mom would sit in the restaurant and meet my brother, because sometimes had different timings or whatever and so I would have some food, he would do his lesson, he would have some food, I would do my lesson, and we would just like go back and forth and it was so wonderful. That just reminds me of my childhood.

Speaker 1: 45:15

So, anyways, yes, this place called Sweet Flower that did these customizable cookies fresh to go right there. Oh, it was the best. But yeah. So me and Ro, I'm still on my rose, I totally, I'm totally dragging. I told you it was going to be a good rose, but yeah. So me and Ro went for ice cream, and it's nice. I think we should do that more often, because there is always a week, a week, a day, or two a week where Trevor works late and so there's no rush to get home and get dinner on the table or anything. So why not go out for a girls dessert first moment, and so, yeah, that was wonderful. Okay, then my thorn.

Speaker 1: 45:56

Hmm, I guess I've just been feeling pretty much everything I said in this week I learned, I think, just that I'm feeling very much like I guess it's overwhelmed with nothing really in particular. Like that's the most annoying when you feel overwhelmed about nothing in particular. Like I really just want to be living my lovely, best, simple living life, but like my brain is choosing to feel overwhelmed about literally nothing that should have anything to do with me. So it's just like stop, stop thinking about it. Need to do a meditation today, my bud.

Speaker 1: 46:35

What am I looking forward to? Oh well, I told you we're going to cut down our Christmas tree, so I'm looking forward to that whole experience. I really hope it snows. I don't think it is going to. I haven't looked at the forecast but today's Tuesday and it just looks like it's going to be like a rainy, cloudy week. But I hope it snows. That would literally be the best thing ever. Oh my gosh, I would be so grateful. Yeah, so I think I'm really just looking forward to ducking the halls. I need to figure out where trees going to go this year, because our living room is like in a little bit of a different makeup, like there's something where the tree normally would be. But I have an idea of where I do want it to go, but I'm not sure if it'll be awkward. I'm not also sure what size trees are at this farm or all of these things, so it'll be interesting to see how we get it on the car.

Speaker 1: 47:20

We've never done this, like me and Trevor have never done this with this car. I think we did it with our fiesta ones, which, like, if you know about the Ford Vs, is like this tiny little car. I loved it so much. It also like was always had bad transmission and it was like for everyone, like it was like a recall that that never got recalled or fixed, but anyways, I just love the fiesta and it had. It had lights that you could change like it was so ahead of its time. But I sold that car, sold it. I don't think anyone wanted to purchase it. I feel like we probably got like a couple thousand dollars when we did a trade in for our our current car, and I just remember being like so sad, but I love our car now. Anyways, that was my first car. It was great love, but we did do the tree chopping down with that. So I will be fine because we have like a SUV now. It'll be fun. I'm just excited to see how it all goes. But yeah, so I'm just looking forward to see me know, good family fun. Yeah, so I guess that's my rosebud and thorn. Let's get into entertainment recap. Oh my gosh. First entertainment recap. Entertainment recap Okay, I have watched everything under the sun.

Speaker 1: 48:29

I should have written this down because I was just like when I was, when I personally was sick, sick and row was fine and going to school and whatever, and I just like had endless time to just like Watch things. I watch literally everything, but when I was like truly sick, sick I actually can't watch anything when I like really am in the depths of it. Like you know, those 24 hours, 48 hours where you just are like I Absolutely feel horrible. I have no ability to do anything. I have no concentration to watch a show. What I watch is cleaning ticktocks, not cleaning ticktocks, restocking ticktocks. I never watch restocking ticktocks like on a day-to-day. It's not really. They don't really come on my FYI P but I go hunting for them when I'm in that state and I just watch them. Like something about them is so low, low focus and like soothing. I just Love them when I'm feeling like absolute poop. So yeah, but anyways, moving past that, I've watched everything to the point where I literally have nothing to watch anymore.

Speaker 1: 49:33

But I started the Buccaneers on Apple TV. So good, cuties, you have to watch it like. Oh my gosh, I'm obsessed and I'm literally obsessed. I know some people don't like it because it's like not an accurate representation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't care, I love the way that they are portraying it. I think they do a good job at showing how like Different it is to be like the Americans and the British. Like I think that and I just love it. Like I am so obsessed. It's a week-to-week. It's not done yet, it's still playing. It's so good. I Finished lessons in chemistry.

Speaker 1: 50:07

I loved it, as you know. I I, so I thoroughly enjoyed the book. I like the show too. I thought the show was like maybe a little slower, like I did, like it. I think when you read the book and watch the show back-to-back it makes it a little less enjoyable, but I think they did a good job on the show. I just think it's like a bit different, but like I liked both. So if you're gonna read the book, read the book. If you're gonna watch show, watch show. And if you're gonna read the book and watch the show, then do it with time in between so you forget, um, what else. I feel like there was another thing on Apple TV I was watching, but no, okay, I've been watching Winter House. Obviously love Winter House, oh. That being said, I oh no, it's today's Tuesday, so it's only gonna be Below deck. I was like I am so craving a snack plate and a show over lunch today, so I think that's what I'm gonna do. But yeah, so been watching Winter House, thoroughly enjoying it, been watching below deck Mediterranean, as you know, I'm so enjoying it because it's like taking part in what do you call it? Italy, on the Mediterranean, exactly where we were. So it's just fun to relive and see where they go. I always love all the below decks.

Speaker 1: 51:11

I Watched the first part of the crown, not even thinking about the fact that they aren't really seeing the second part until so long. Like I feel like I've been like a month since I watched that, but it was really good. I remember last season of the crown, like it really took me like Time to get through it, like I was like, okay, it's kind of dragging on, but I, I was, I was captivated. I think I watched the first half in the in one day. I really enjoyed it and I look forward to the second half. And I didn't realize this was the last season of the crown, so I thought they did a great job and I felt like I I want to say I felt like I learned a lot, but I know that it's also dramatized, so Give and take, um, I feel like I watched other things. There was so much stuff I watched, ah, but yeah, anyways, I'm like I'm trying to think like there must have been something on Disney, me and Trevor watching the show.

Speaker 1: 52:02

It's called the cult. I have no idea what it's about. Hi, I'm literally every week I'm that's the show. I fell asleep during last night. I didn't fall asleep during it with because it's boring, but it like just because I was tired. But, like every week, I feel like we get no closer to realizing what this show is about. I feel like the whole thing is gonna be like that and like there's points where you're just like kind of so annoyed because the couple is like, oh, being so, I don't know, like icky. And then there's other points where you're just like, I Don't know, you feel awkward. It just makes you feel awkward. It's a good show.

Speaker 1: 52:33

Though I'm enjoying it, I think, like we, we still watch it every week. It's another week to week. I feel like there was another one that I streamed, but I can't remember. I've been watching to grassy, because I literally have run Out of everything, but to grassy feels good for a few episodes and then I'm like okay, I'm kind of over it. So every week I watch a few episodes.

Speaker 1: 52:51

I haven't been like consistently watching it. I'm I'm still in the part where, like the majority of them are like in middle school. I love when they like I remember I started watching it I feel like when they were in high school, like Emma and all them, and then onwards. So I'm really looking forward to that, but I don't want to skip ahead because I want to just like understand the whole thing, like that's how I want to do it. So, yeah, I am enjoying that, and then I'm trying to think if there's there's definitely more things I watched. But another thing is oh my gosh, what is it called? I don't remember this. Like there's too much, but yeah, so I have. Really, I just have nothing else to stream, like there's nothing currently to stream. I haven't.

Speaker 1: 53:38

I tried to watch one holiday movie and I think I got like 10 minutes through it, like a new one. Maybe it was on Netflix, I don't know, but it was not good. I did not enjoy it, like I could not get into it. Me and Trevor, or me and Trevor, me and Ro watched Ice Age this weekend, which isn't a holiday movie, but it's a winter movie, and we loved it. I forgot like it's kind of sad, but it's cute, and like, oh my gosh, it's wild to see the difference in animation. I mean, there's so many ice ages now. It's so different, but, like the first original one, it's like oh, wow, but yeah. So, oh, we went on to talk trolls. We want to talk trolls in theater, which was so good it was. I always love trolls. They have the best sound track. It's always so fun. Yeah, I was a good movie. It was really fun. And there's a few other movies I'm wanting to see in theater, but I have to look them up, I never remember them until I see them.

Speaker 1: 54:26

But yeah, so I have watched a lot of content and I have run out of things. So, if you have any good things, oh, I restarted 90210, not the original one, I have seen the original one and then I have also seen, like, the reboot. That happened in whatever 2018, I don't remember. So I'm watching the reboot right now just because, like, I've been watching Degrassi and then there's that kind of crossover between, like, the main character from Degrassi which, like, she's not even in the show, and where I am in Degrassi, but it all just like reminded me. So I started watching 90210. I'm not fully devoted to it because the quality is not as good of the one I'm watching, but it's one of those things where it's like it's still okay to throw it in the background. But yeah, that's everything I'm watching and I am kind of in the I'm either looking for a book right now or looking for, like a show that I can really get into and binge.

Speaker 1: 55:16

So if anyone has any book recommendations or shows right now, I would love that. Because, you know, it's the dark season. We need these things to help us and to help me, just like you know, turn off my brain and Soak into something else. But I am so happy that you're all here. I'm grateful for every single one of you. You are truly the OG cuties, the. My heart goes out to all of you and thank you for being here. Get so excited because next week oh, I gave you specific time, but whatever because there's some big, exciting things coming up and I can't wait to celebrate this holiday season together. Love, love, love you. You're the best. Bye, thank you you.