Grieving, Healing, and Celebrating During the Holiday Season

Speaker 1: 0:07

Hey, cuties, welcome back to Five Years Time podcast with your host Grace, and we are still taking on the 12 days of Podmas, with this being episode 6, is that right? I think that's right. Honestly, I'm surprised I haven't lost track of time yet. Happy Monday, cuties. I hope that you're enjoying this series. Today we're going to be talking about sadness around the holidays, grief and how I personally work through that, and also how it manifests in my life.

Speaker 1: 0:42

I think there is so much that goes on during the holidays that is super nostalgic, based Like. I feel like it's just like a rush of every emotion you've ever experienced. There's also all of the what is it called? All of the pressure that's put on Christmas time to be a certain way, feel a certain way. The joy, all of this stuff. I think a lot of stuff boils to the. A lot of feelings boil to the surface. One of those main ones, especially for me, is grief. It's not just grief of past loved ones, but grief of Christmas pasts, of people who are no longer in your life, of Christmas you used to live, of places you used to be, of memories that you have. Honestly, grief is so complex and can be fully consuming, but there is also goodness in those feelings. I personally am grateful for the grief that I feel because it's memories of times in my life where I felt joy and felt goodness that I carry with me and I'm so glad that I had that time of my life and that I can still cherish those memories. That's what today's episode is going to be all about.

Speaker 1: 2:07

Before we dive into that, I just want to say I'm not sure I feel like I talk about this on the podcast. I don't know, it's not like a common theme of who I am, but I'm like a rashie girl. I have always had my entire life, eczema and psoriasis. I actually didn't start getting psoriasis until I was in my 20s and not even my 20s, maybe my late teens. It was when I moved away for school that first winter I experienced psoriasis. I actually don't get eczema as much as I used to. I feel like I'm now a psoriasis girly over an eczema girly. But growing up I used to get really bad eczema flare ups, especially in the winter time, on my face and in the crevices and cracks of my fingers and arms, which I think is super common. But now I am a psoriasis girly and this winter psoriasis is really taking over the top front of my scalp.

Speaker 1: 3:01

Normally I get it the bottom of my scalp, but I think I'm really really good at ensuring that I don't. What is it like? Not a fact, what is it like? Poke the bear? I'm trying to think of what it is, but I'm really good at making sure that I don't scratch that area or kind of like egg it on. These aren't the words I'm thinking of. I can't think of the word I'm thinking of, but I'm pretty good at making sure that I'm not irritating, irritating that area.

Speaker 1: 3:32

This year it's been really prevalent at the front of my head and it's been like a little bit of a mind switch for me to remember like don't scratch and don't I have to use, like the one shampoo that really works for me, and like I've used all the shampoos for psoriasis in the past, like I've used the Neutrogena one, the TAR. What is it TAR? They smell so bad and, honestly, I find that they don't work. They really irritate my head. I've also had prescriptions for different things that you can use on your scalp everything I've used everything in the past and when I do allow my flare ups to get really bad and my plaques to get really thick. I do have to obviously get the prescriptions, like that's the only thing that's going to work, but I'm pretty good at making sure I don't get to that point, but I'm worried that I'm going to get there this year.

Speaker 1: 4:18

So, anyways, long story short is, I have just been wearing my hair this week. I've been trying to, like slick it back. With not trying to slick it back, I've been putting oils in. I have a, like I'm trying to think of what's in it. It's like a super natural oil that I get from Mingle Hill it's their hair oil, but it has all the good things in it that is good for, I think, hair growth, but I find that it's really soothing for my psoriasis. So I've been putting that in and then just like slicking back my hair and then I try not to wash my hair very often because I find that that can be irritating to my scalp, especially like the wet hair, and I like sometimes I'm just can't be bothered to blow dry my hair.

Speaker 1: 5:02

So, anyways, I also am trying to just only use the one shampoo that doesn't flare up my psoriasis or irritate my hair right now, which is day hair or day DAE you can get out Sephora, but it is like super good for me. I think it's so personal, like if you have psoriasis, what works for you, what doesn't work for you. But every other shampoo at the moment is like super irritating to my scalp, except for day. So I'm trying to just use that and, that being said, I need to go replace it because I just had the travel size that I bought for Italy, which honestly, lasted me so long. I kind of like I'm obsessed with just travel size products because it's not overwhelming and I actually use them all up, because what is now? It's like the middle of December and I bought that the middle of September, so that's like three months. Yeah, so yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:57

Anyways, I just wanted to put that out there for any of my psoriasis grilles. I know that this is like the time of year where, well, at least for me and the climate that I live in, where I tend to get the flare ups because sunlight is the best thing to help your psoriasis, my psoriasis I don't know about yours, but like it is the best thing. And obviously my head is not getting as much sunlight now because it's not summer. Also because I wear a hat in the winter because it's cold. So, yeah, I just wanted to put that out there and like I'm rocking the egg head at the moment because I just need like to soothe this area so I don't touch it and irritate it, because there's nothing worse than letting your plaques build up. It is so hard to get them gone and it's so annoying in your scalp because it's just so gross. If you've ever had psoriasis, like it's not gross like you, it's just like like I mean personally, like if I saw it on someone else I'm not going to think you you're so disgusting. I mean for me myself, it's just so hard to like clean it out and like feel good about your head when that is the situation going on. So, anyways, that's just a little side note on something that I'm working through at the moment, and is is it's it's flaring up in a new place this year.

Speaker 1: 7:06

Okay, where did I put my water? Oh, no, I think I left it out of the room. Can we just grab my water quick, because I'll be sad if I don't. I'm back, I've got my Christmas mug and water is inside of it and I'm going to take it. Oh gosh, my mic just got stuck on my knee and I'm just going to take a quick sip. Very nice, very refreshing. I knew if I didn't grab that I would be very, very sad about it, but I'm at the point of my day.

Speaker 1: 7:35

I'm recording this middle of the afternoon, well, about an hour before I have to go pick up a row, which is one of my favorite times to record. I think my favorite favorite time is like first thing in the morning, like literally right when I wake up, if I can make a cozy cup of coffee and sneak into the studio. But I rarely get to do that because, obviously, being a mother, you have a child that you have to take care of and the house can be loud in the morning, which isn't ideal for recording in a home studio. So yeah, I rarely get to do that, but I think that is my favorite time. And then I think my second favorite time is probably now. I don't know.

Speaker 1: 8:09

I feel like sometimes, like after I do row drop off, if I get into the studio right away. Sometimes I like doing it then. But I find that the podcast is energizing but also like not draining in the sense that I can't continue with like a workday the best of my ability after that of other things that I have to do, but I can feel very energized to continue with my mom workday, which is good because after I record at this time, which is before I pick up row then I go into picking up row and I feel good because I have completed the podcast and I give it time to marinate before I have to go back to it and edit it. I've already completed all the other work tasks I need to do recording, editing of other things that I'm posting emails, all of that stuff. So it's just like a good close to the end of the day. But sometimes it feels like a lingering thing, that's like weighing over my head like, oh, you need to record the podcast, and then I get all weird. But then usually around like that middle of the afternoon, it's like just get in the studio. My eyes are tired of looking at a screen all day, even though I'm here with my iPad in front of me, but I'm still not looking at a screen doing that type of work. So it's a nice little breakup. So I think I'm just realizing that.

Speaker 1: 9:29

But anyways, today we are talking all about grief around the holidays and I think that it's so personal for everyone and people who haven't even grieved the loss of someone, can definitely feel grief of so many different things and I think it took me a while to realize, like, what that meant for me, because I'd say my very first Christmas of grieving was probably I'm going to say it was like a legit grieving Christmas was the Christmas after my dad passed away, because I was still a child. I was going to say a lot of people are not for a lot of people, but I can see how, like the second at least for me, my second grieving, which probably would have been my first, of my dad had and passed away, was grieving my childhood Christmases, because once you become an adult and move away for school I think for me it was the moving away I remember grieving almost my childhood, that first day when I moved away into res like I remember when my mom and aunt drove away and I just stayed in my room because I was like so nervous I didn't know where to go and there I had until like whatever time 3pm till we started doing like residence activities and getting to know all the other people in the dorms. But I remember sitting in my room pretty much like already set up my room and everything and just like all of a sudden realizing like that I had more responsibility and that my life was going to be forever different from this point on, and it just felt very heavy and I remember feeling sadness and a wave of that, and so that Christmas also would have felt that way for me, because I would have come home from school and it would have felt different in the house and I would have had different friends and experiences and all of that stuff not whatever, but all of that stuff. So that's what I feel like is like a big grief that people can feel around the holiday time for the first time, and I think that there's so many more on top of that. But for me, my first grieving Christmas where I felt a weight of grief was a Christmas where I was literally still grieving in the depths of it my first Christmas without my dad, because we lost him in the fall. And then we had that Christmas and it was very present in our lives that he wasn't there and it was sad and it was jolly and there was happiness and there was goodness and there was lots of other things, but there was definitely sadness, and so if that's something that you're experiencing this Christmas your first Christmas without a loved one due to loss like take time and take peace and know that.

Speaker 1: 12:10

I honestly appreciate it, that holiday, because it felt different, yes, but it also was a beautiful time to share memories, which I always do. Literally anytime I can share a memory, I share a memory, but, like, I feel like the holiday time and bringing family together is one of the best times to get to share memories, especially for me and my family, because my brother moved my brother six years older than me, so he wasn't living at home when my dad passed away, and so holidays are one of the times that we all get together and we get to relive those memories, especially in my case, because I don't have many people in my life that knew my dad anymore and I actually don't have any day to day people in my life except for my mom and my brother who knew my well and I guess my aunts and stuff, but like immediate in my life day to day is my mom and my brother who knew my dad. And so I love when we get together around holiday times, especially Christmas, and get to share those memories, because you're reliving a goodness with the people who were there to live that time. Oh my gosh, am I gonna cry? I didn't think I was gonna cry this episode, which like maybe that's a joke on me, because obviously it's a grief episode and I feel like grieving and crying kind of going hand in hand. But I really didn't think I was gonna cry this episode, oh my gosh. And now I'm scratching my head Stop.

Speaker 1: 13:42

Anyways, I wanted to talk and just be open about this because I think so many people feel the sadness of Christmas. So let's talk through what I believe to be lots of different things that you can grieve around the Christmas time. So a focus on grief of Christmas past, loved ones and friends that are no longer here, places you used to be, who you used to be all of these things, I feel, become so prominent around Christmas time because it's like a, it's like a steady marker every year where you feel nostalgic, because it's something that's celebrated every year and has like a time stamp two years past. It's a lot like a birthday. I feel like birthdays hold a lot of grief in them as well.

Speaker 1: 14:29

So I think, like when I think about my relationships and the way that they've evolved over the years, there are people in my life, who still have such an important part of my heart because they've been such a big part of who I've been to this day. But I don't talk to them anymore for either reasons that we've just grown apart or there's been meaningful moments where there's been separation and boundaries placed. We just don't talk. And Christmas is one of those times where I get overflute. Overfluted what am I trying to say? Flood it with those emotions of and memories of those people in my life and this is me talking beyond just my dad, like I gave I. He is will always be obviously a huge part of my life.

Speaker 1: 15:20

But friendships that I no longer have in my life, who are such important parts of who I've become, and also stages of relationship, even with Trevor, stages of our relationships in the past and Christmases we've had in the past, even with my family, with my mom and my brother, places we've been our family home growing up, which doesn't even exist anymore, as most good Toronto homes do get knocked down and put up another giant home. But honestly I'm not even that sentimental to physical spots or physical things like that house. Anytime I do go back to, like where I used to live, I'll always drive past our lot which is no longer our house. But and see and see what's, see what's there and see what's there and see what's up and like that physical location does bring back so many memories and is good I do love to go back to, like the actual place. I don't feel a lot of sadness about the fact that my house isn't there anymore. I almost feel special, like we were the last ones to get to, to have that memory of that place and that was ours. And yes, there are people who live there before us, but nobody who lived there after us, and it's our special spot. But anyways, and then obviously, even places that we live before. I only lived one other place before that, but the apartment that I grew up in and and the good memories that we have there. And I was young and most of those memories are probably photo memories and memories that people told me, which just means that it's a memory of me looking at something and then, yes, it's been etched into my mind, but all of those things flood over me during the holiday times and I'm so grateful for each of them, but they can come up like a volcano.

Speaker 1: 17:10

Sometimes you are in the midst of just living your Holly, jolly life, or honestly, not even like, just not even thinking about anything. Like the holidays are coming and you're you're kind of not avoiding them but you're like, ok, they're coming, but I'm not really like stressed to have to prepare a plan for anything yet. And then all of a sudden you're just hit with this sadness of like I miss those times. I miss that time. I miss, I miss those people. What are they up to? I wonder what. And I miss, I miss the gatherings that we had and the music that was shared and the laughter that we had. And there's good and bad to everything. Right, there's good and bad, and something I love about nostalgia is that the good tends to bubble up and the bad kind of gets weighed it down. Which I think is such a good thing to think about retrospectively. Living in the moment is that the goodness that is happening in your life now is going to carry on for probably ever into all your memories, and the not so good doesn't tend to stick around as as as prominent, but it does build you into a better version of yourself.

Speaker 1: 18:23

But I think it's important this holiday season to put a grief plan in place Because when it does come to that point where you're bubbling over with sadness or anger or just loneliness or emptiness because you feel like you're missing something that you once had. You need to make sure that you support and protect yourself in those moments and also that you tell the people around you maybe that you're going to feel that way. I feel like so often I leave Trevor in the dark when it comes to things like that and he doesn't know why I'm not in the mood to talk or just like kind of feeling off and I'm not in the mood to explain why. So I think it's important to tell those support people around you like, hey, just so you know, coming up through the holidays, there might be moments where I feel lower down, and it has nothing to do with my expectations of this Christmas or things that you aren't completing or doing or anything. It's just I'm probably grieving a moment and I just need a moment to work through it and that's all part of the plan. I think telling your support people is probably the biggest part of the plan. It's even prepping and preparing yourself by taking a moment to just be like okay, the holidays are coming and I might feel down and I might feel sad and I might feel blue, and that's okay.

Speaker 1: 19:38

Number two I think it's so important to think of a physical thing that you can do in those moments For me, like you have for me. It's all about deciding whether or not I'm feeding into the sadness and living in that moment or I'm looking for maybe a distraction or comfort. I love to sit in my feels Like there's and like balance right, like there is times where I just love to be in my feels and I feel like the holidays is one of those moments where it's like I love a good sad song, sad Christmas music, maybe like a walk and some tears, like I do love, or like a sappy car ride cry, like I do love to sit in my sadness sometimes, and so if that's where I feel like I wanna be supported, then I'll do that and I love to go for, yeah, those walks or those drives with the not even necessarily sad music like, but almost nostalgic music, which is obviously, in turn, sad music if it's bringing up feelings of missing something. Another thing when I'm in that distracted mode which isn't even, it's not necessarily even distraction, it's comfort. If I'm looking for comfort because I'm feeling just overwhelmed in the moment with my feels and my emotions and it's making me feel like I'm going to explode, because I just feel overwhelmed with sadness and missing something is to support myself with a show or a book or a bubbly bath.

Speaker 1: 21:16

Even going and doing a, getting maybe a massage, or going to a yoga slash meditation class. I honestly I'm not a huge yogi, but my favorite thing in the world is restorative yoga and I love it because it's like a forced hour of like putting your body in positions that you wouldn't necessarily find rest in yourself and you're usually guided through some sort of meditation. I love that. I feel like it's very opening. It's opening for your soul. It feels good for the body, it feels good in every moment.

Speaker 1: 21:48

But, yeah, booking yourself classes like that or watching your comfort show and just like taking a moment for you, making a snack that you find so delicious and lovely and comforting and warm and just everything, like just doing things like that and then always knowing that tomorrow is gonna be a new day, and I think that's one of the biggest things for me that I'm grateful for in my immediate, that I learned in my like immediate grief of losing a loved one unexpectedly is that I learned through that, that type of unexpected grief that there is always gonna be a tomorrow not always, that's a weird way to say it that tomorrow will come and it will always be a new day. Like there will be a new day. Today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow and there will be something good that comes from just going to sleep and resting and waking up the next day, like I don't know how to explain that even more. I mean, I do, if I really sit and go with it. But that's something that I learned because of the losing a loved one unexpectedly. That one really like helped a lot in my just like life vision, view of how I see my different moods and how I see time and the beauty of a refresh, a restart, a new sunrise. Like that is something lovely and helps me when I feel grief with something that isn't like when it's grief-worn relationships that are no longer part of my life but those people still are in the world, or of like childhood, because it's still a part of me, but you can't go backwards, right? So things like that.

Speaker 1: 23:40

And then another thing is to honor. I think it's so important to honor our loved ones and our loved moments that we may feel sadness around or about and I said earlier this one if it's people who are no longer in your life, even people who aren't in my life like day to day anymore, but still live on this earth, like I love to share stories about them, is that weird, like I don't know. I love sharing stories. I think it's one of my greatest things of connection is just sharing about the people that I loved and have loved or and love, and so sharing stories and memories and moments and foods that they loved and things like that, like I will always cherish that and I cherish my memories like nothing else, so it's one of the greatest things. When you find people in your world who will listen, I will take the opportunity to share. But I think honoring them and I think a lot of people for loved ones who have passed is honoring them with something special maybe ornaments that were special that you decorate the tree with, or meals or traditions that you used to have and continuing those on, even setting a place at the table or a stocking out for them, like things like that that are physical, can be such a big thing.

Speaker 1: 25:00

Pictures, obviously, and for me this year is something so special, like I am at the point, or Ro is at the point in age where she asks questions back, like I've always shared stories about my dad with her from birth, but now when we talk about him or he comes up, it feels so fun to get to share. Oh my gosh, I am gonna cry this episode no, not that there's anything wrong with crying, I'm just trying to get through it. But not even get through it, but talk clearly. Ro is at that age now where when something comes up and I get to share about, like oh, that's something my dad loved or got to do, or this is something that we would do together and she's so invested like she and I don't know how much she gets, but she gets it. Like, the first time where she really asked a question, like all of a sudden it was kind of like oh, your dad, because she obviously knows Trevor's dad, grandpa, and she has my mom and Trevor's mom, two grandmas. But I remember talking about something and then she was like wait, your dad, like grandpa. And I was like, no, that's Trevor's dad. Like I had a dad too, but he passed away. Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And she's like but I wanted to meet, I wanted to meet your dad and that's her number one thing.

Speaker 1: 26:31

Anytime I talk about my dad now I was like I wish I could meet him. I'd like to meet him and I'm like girl like you are him Like. There's so much all of those really good and wonderful attributes that my dad had being loving and caring and the life of the party and full of spunk and joy. Like that is Rosie, and I always tell her like he's here, he's with you, he's with me. But it's been so fun this holiday season getting to share, share stories and share memories, and I have VHS tapes downstairs that I need to get a VHS player so that I can watch them.

Speaker 1: 27:17

But I also feel like I'm like physically not prepared, because it's so I've never lost someone in the digital age of this, like the age where I would have lost my dad, we didn't have videos of literally everything that was like accessible and so I haven't. I don't think I've seen a video of my dad since I I don't know if I have like I think maybe right after we saw video, we had a VHS player and saw something or something. I don't know, but I haven't seen a video since. I haven't physically seen, I've only seen photos. I haven't like seen it, heard him, heard his voice. I haven't heard his voice since he passed away. So like I don't think I am ready. I am ready, but like I don't think I'm ready, like I think that'll be a lot and it'll put me into a place that might be scary and uncomfortable. So I like not a bad place, but it'll just like be a lot for me to process.

Speaker 1: 28:18

But I would love to share that with Ro. Like I'd love for her to get to see his mannerisms and hear his voice and and see him physically as well, obviously in video format, but anyways, I can't. Who knew the grief episode was going to have sadness in it? But I think like that's been a really fun thing for me is just sharing those beautiful memories with her and different songs and like it, like, and she remembers everything.

Speaker 1: 28:50

Ro is like a little sponge and so even just we were listening to Christmas music, like I feel, like months ago, because she's been practicing for her Christmas concert since like the beginning of school and so Christmas music has been a part of our life for the past months. But she was listening to different Christmas music. She asked me to put on playlist. I was like, okay, so I put on playlist and, rocking around, the Christmas tree came on, which is like literally my number one favorite Christmas song, because it's such a big part of my childhood we used to put it on every single time we would decorate the tree. I reminds me of my dad, like he would dance and have fun to it, and so I just like an important song in my life and it has holds a lot of meaning.

Speaker 1: 29:28

And I remember saying to Ro like this is my favorite Christmas song and I don't even think I went into depths of why it's my favorite Christmas song. And now, every time it comes on, she's like and this one's mommy's favorite like announces it, like she knows. It's like the second it comes on, she like and this one's mommy's favorite, and then it's like it just makes she's honoring something for me and it's even more honoring. So, anyways, one time I said I told her why, like I broke it down, I was like, oh yeah, like this was me and grandpa's favorite, like my dad, like I'll specify, and she's she always. Anytime I say things like that, anytime it plays like a couple more times, she's like you, me and grandpa love this song and it's like I know that she's talking about my dad and it's like that is the best feeling I've ever felt in my whole wide life. Sorry, it's like a feeling I never knew, that I don't know. It's like a feeling I never knew I could experience. I think I just never. I never.

Speaker 1: 30:37

I think when I had Ro, I never thought or I think what I even thought about having kids. I just because I never thought about having kids in the time that my dad was alive. So, like I think, when I thought about having kids, I never even thought about my dad, like it wasn't even a thought, it was a part of my thought process, literally. And then when I had a row, it was like there's obviously inevitable times where I had to talk about my dad or I have to introduce him or introducing him for the first time, his character, who he is, is this person that's in my life but not physically in my life, like all of this stuff. And so it's like I never even thought about that, like I really did it, and so it's like I didn't prepare myself in any way or think about how it would feel or anything, and so now that it's being like, it's become like a very present part and she's asking questions and she wants to know more. It's just one of those things where it's like I never thought that I had more closure to feel about my dad passing or things like that. And with every question she asks and everything where she includes herself in a memory and moment that was between me and my dad is literally is like a healing thing for me and I never thought that would happen, like I never thought that I would. I never. I never even thought that I would have a relationship with my dad and my kids. So I don't know how to explain it, but anyways, it's just been this really overwhelming, in a good way, healing thing where it just is.

Speaker 1: 32:26

So it's so much joy and happiness, and so that's what I mean when I say that Christmas and sadness and grief and happiness and joy is so complicated and confusing and it all fuses in with each other and it makes it all what Christmas is like. That, for me, is what Christmas is. It's sadness, of happiness, it's confusion, it's anger, it's overwhelm, it's every emotion like that is what makes it what it is. It can't just be pure joy, because pure joy does not exist. You can't have joy without sadness, and that's why I obviously have this podcast where we talk about the highs and the lows of life, because they're also beautiful, like feelings, and the ability to feel is so beautiful. It is this beautiful life, and I am so grateful that I'm able to feel all the ups and the downs, like I'm grateful that I have that opportunity.

Speaker 1: 33:26

And if you are grieving this Christmas again, it doesn't have to be the death of somebody. It can be a Christmas past, someone that you used to be or a way that you used to celebrate Christmas, or people who are no longer in your life anymore but are still out there living their own lives and you wonder, I wonder what they're up to, or I wonder if they think about me to, or I miss the times that we used to have together or the places that we used to celebrate Christmas, or I'm now living somewhere separate from my family or the people that I love and I'm not able to celebrate in the way that I used to be able to celebrate. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and I am here for you, and that there is so much beauty in all of the ups and the downs, and sometimes it's hard to see it in the moment. But that's why I think it's important this holiday season to put that plan in place on how you can support yourself, how you can one prepare, prepare for the holidays and no, take note like, hey, this year I think I'm probably going to feel something this or that or what and if you don't know that that's going to erupt, prepare in the way that you know it's comfortable for you. I think it's important in our life to always have on hand things that make us feel comfortable or disconnect it from what's going on right now, so that we can take a step back and have a break and come back, come back to center, whether that be doing a meditation or watching your favorite show or listening to sad music or nostalgic music and going for a walk and breathing in fresh air. Honestly taking through big breath can be the biggest help. And then also honoring those memories and those loved ones and those feelings of Christmas past, honoring them and sharing them, like if you can find a shoulder to share too, I think it's the most beautiful gift the world can be, and so I always try and be that shoulder to have someone share to me whenever I can, whenever someone has a story to share, because I know how much that means to me. So I think journaling can also fit in there, sharing memories through journal. But there's something so special about sharing the memories that you love so much with just another person and know that they're, they're part of it, and hearing and listening.

Speaker 1: 35:56

But sadness around the holidays is complex and it is overwhelming, and it is high and low, and I know people who will avoid all of the holidays because of that, which is fair. And I'm not saying you have to celebrate. But I also know that life is forever changing and growing and that there's things to celebrate that don't have to do with the holidays. There's things to celebrate in our daily lives, every day, even when we feel the most lonely or grief filled, and I think when we can honor and put in place a plan of support that we can find love after we work through what we need to work through. But grief is hard and the holidays are hard, but life is beautiful and it has. It has goodness in it too.

Speaker 1: 36:49

So I'm sending love to all of you, my cuties, this holiday season, and I hope that you feel that you can come into my DMs and share something with me, share a memory of a loved one or a loved moment or a loved Christmas that you cherish close to your heart, because I'd love to hear them, truly I would. I love when you come and you share your memories with me. I carry them in my heart like a prize because you've let me into the most, the most precious part of your life. So I love you all so much and I guess let's get to the point where we're going to share a recipe today. I need a sip of water. I. That is so funny. I really thought I was going into this episode not not going to be emotional at all. I'm literally. I don't know how. I thought that the whole episode was about being emotional, but that's so funny.

Speaker 1: 37:44

Okay, the recipe of the day. Cute, I've been having so much fun sharing these recipes. Like literally, it is like a scrapbook of one of my favorite things, memories, past things that I've picked up along the way and shared with the people that I loved or had them share with me. Like I am really obsessed, obsessed. And today is the day we are celebrating. We are going to share drinks. Oh my gosh, cuties.

Speaker 1: 38:10

I almost didn't. I wasn't going to include drinks almost, and then I was like we have to have one recipe of like a fall holiday, a holiday, a holiday and a year, and that was me putting those together. Drink, because I feel like that is just a way to toast in obviously so many things toast to Christmas, toast to the New Year, toast to getting through the hardest year of your life, toast to getting to celebrating all of the accomplishments you've done this year. Toast to so many things, right? So we are going to do drinks and my favorite type of mixed drink and it was hard for me to pick like really, I was like what is it? But then I was like for winter, really, truly, my favorite mixed drink is a whiskey sour.

Speaker 1: 38:54

I just love sour in general. I think they are so warm and delicious. I think that you can make them in so different ways. So I'm actually going to share my holiday sour remixed three ways. So we're doing a twist on the classic. I'm going to show you three ways to make a different sour or three different hours, and I think that they are something that can really spice up any of your holiday moments where you need a toast, and they're so delicious and really truly comforting and warm and lovely, and they are just something I like. I'm the joy that's coming into my cheeks right now, like they almost hurt, like I'm talking about all the memories I've had while sharing a sour with good friends or good family, or even good memories, and it's just something so warm and wonderful to me. So that is what we're sharing today.

Speaker 1: 39:46

I'd also love if you could tell me what your favorite toasting drink is. Obviously, like there's classic prosecco you guys know I'm in my prosecco era but I just mean, like, what is your favorite like winter cocktail? What is something that just like sparks that joy or has good memories associated with you or with it for you? I would love to know, because I just am like kind of freaking obsessed with sour at the moment and the way that I feel like they have like been a great part of my like adult life, hood and sharing time with others in like festive holiday party situation. So, anyways, check out my TikTok and Instagram at five years time podcast. I also posted on YouTube for anyone who doesn't have those socials to make it a little bit more accessible.

Speaker 1: 40:33

But I'm so excited to share that with you and I hope we can all toast together today, you're not alone. If you feel alone and any of your feelings of sadness or confusion or anger, like, I am there with you, cute, I feel it all and it is so up and down and know if today is the day that you're in your depths, tomorrow was a new day and the sun will rise and we will breathe in fresh air and we will find goodness in any of those difficult moments. I love you all so much. Thank you for being here. Thank you for celebrating the countdown to Christmas with me.

Speaker 1: 41:11

This has been such a. This isn't the end of it. We're only on day what did I say? Six, but we're pretty much halfway through and this has been honestly, like a really, really powerful journey for me, and I knew it would be. I knew this would push me out of my comfort zone in one way or another, which I'm always trying to do. So love you and can't wait to talk in the dms. Be back tomorrow for Tuesday, day seven of 12 days of Podmas. You're the best.