Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey, cuties, welcome back to 5 Years Time Podcast. Let's have our sip together. Cheers, cutes, we just have a black Americano. I opened the fridge and guess what? There was no cream. I went grocery shopping yesterday and I purposely didn't buy cream, like the four top things I put on my grocery list every single week cream, yogurt, milk. I'm running out of how to hold my fingers if you're watching the video cream, milk, yogurt, eggs. And I took cream off because I was like, oh, I bought a huge thing of cream and I was having lattes last week, so I'm sure we don't have. We haven't run out, and I guess we did. I guess Trevor was using lots of it anyway, so that means I had to put milk in. Oh, if you're watching on video, we have a visitor. This is a big announcement, too cute, because it's been a long time since we talked, but there's so much and I'm gonna be jumping, and I'm. I'm trying to not jump, but I already am anyways.

Speaker 1: 0:53

Okay, back to my coffee. So I have an americano with milk, which means I did put a little sugar in it, because when I'm at, the only time I ever put milk in my coffee is if I go to like a do. Do you know where the mic is? If you can hear that purr Astor thinks he's the star of the show which is our new cat, new ish we got in the summer. Look at him, pretty boy. When I go to like stores stores, what am I talking about? When I go to cafes or like coffee breakfast spots typically breakfast spots, you know, like classic breakfast places where you just get like the bottomless cup of coffee. Sometimes they don't have cream and they have milk only, and then I always put a little sugar in it and it's so delicious, so let's have our first sip together. I have cat hair everywhere, cheers, cute Tastes, like I'm at a breakfast joint. I love it. I need a little table because I have my desk in front of me, but it's so far. We're in a new spot. We're in a new location.

Speaker 1: 1:53

Again, I have so much to say. I've missed you all. I literally have been putting off well for a whole year, but I knew that I was going to take that break. I didn't know how long it was going to be, but, yes, I ghosted you for a year. What I was going to say was I've had this plan to bring the podcast back and I really wanted to get it back for the new year, and then it just didn't work out. Things kept getting pushed off. Then I really wanted to get it back for when my last episode was, which I think was the end of January 2024. And so I want it to be like the exact year.

Speaker 1: 2:31

And then we all got sick and so I was going to record it last night Today's Wednesday, which I typically upload on and so I was going to record it last night because that was our last. That was my last chance before this Wednesday, because this Wednesday is a moment in time Wednesday, february 19th which I was in the Bahamas last year, and I remember actively having conversations with the girlies I was with about the podcast and how I was feeling so guilty because I hadn't uploaded for not one week, but I think it was two weeks at this time and that I was having these like debates on was I going to continue, was I not going to continue? And I remember like having these active conversations of like contemplation and discussing all my inner thoughts. So I wanted it to be this Wednesday and maybe I will get it uploaded today. I'm going to try my hardest, because I don't even remember how to do this, cutes.

Speaker 1: 3:23

I was setting this up and I was getting mucho overwhelmed and I wanted to use a different camera but it was not working and Trevor so kindly left me the house to myself to record because I wanted some privacy. I also am recording in a new location, new studio Cutes. We have been in every area of my house I think, and our last one was in our extra like closet that's in our bedroom, that really like it's not set up as a closet, there's no like hanging bars or anything, it's just a little side room and I love that area and it was so good for being able to record while Trevor was working, because his office is in the basement, we didn't clash with each other's voices or anything, because I really need that silence, but but the internet sucked up there and so it always buffered and it was like always drama, drama, drama, drama. And I was like I need a new spot and I also, just in general for myself, think I need like a desk in a proper place that I can sit and edit and have a little morning work sesh. That's like more.

Speaker 1: 4:25

I'm working now and now I'm logging off and I'm going into my home life where I'm going to go record and be in the kitchen or whatever, but like a place where I can like, set my stuff to, like all my editing stuff and all my work things and computer bits and cords and whatever. So now I have a new space which is very much disorganized. This might look like it's a blank slate over here, but over here it is not. It is boxes, it is laundry, it is cords, it is random things here, random things there, it is things that need to go to the donation pile. It's a lot of everything. And you know what? The best thing I can do is not focus on needing to be perfect, because, hello, life is not about perfection and I will never get there. I will never be perfect. Also, I'm not sure if I'm going to wear these headphones the whole time, if you're listening via YouTube, but I think this first episode I am, because I just want to make sure that my sound is not bad, because this I can, this way I can hear it, and if I do like it, then I'll get different headphones, because I don't know if this is the vibe, but this is the vibe for today. Trevor Lentz, up to me. Thanks, trev.

Speaker 1: 5:26

Last night I was like I'm going to sit down, I'm going to record the podcast all day. In the morning I was getting a little nervous and it's so funny I always get this nervous energy before recording the podcast, not leading up to it. I can come up with a podcast walks where I go on a walk and I think through my thoughts and I'm like, okay, I feel so inspired, I feel ready to have a conversation. And then, when it comes to the actual moment of like, okay, we're going to do this, I'm like, oh my gosh, I have nothing to say. Like what am I going to do? I'm just going to sit there and be like. So I was getting that feeling.

Speaker 1: 6:00

And then I picked up Ro from school and I knew I was gonna do it in the evening because Trevor was gonna go to yoga and then that would have been perfect. I could have put row to bed and record, but then I couldn't. I was so tired and I was like I'm tired, and now I feel overwhelmed and half the things aren't even set up, like my lights and camera action aren't set up. I need that part. I can, I can shoo the clutter away, but I at least need those things so. So I was like, okay, I guess we're not going to upload this week, it's going to be next week. And then I was this morning. I was like maybe it's not even going to happen, like I was talking to myself out of it again.

Speaker 1: 6:32

When you avoid doing something, it becomes this huge, like dark cloud over you and it feels impossible, even when you know it's something that you want to do and that you've done before. And it's not impossible. You enjoy it, you love it. It just feels like this big hurdle to get over. And so then this morning Trevor said that he signed up for yoga over lunch and he was going to go work at a coffee shop for the morning and then he'll come back in the afternoon. So I have the opportunity to record the podcast. And I was like, okay, trev, you're pushing me and I value that and I love that and appreciate that. I didn't even ask him to do that and it was like a weight off my shoulders. Then I sat down to get everything set up and I was getting overwhelmed, mainly with my camera. But honestly, it is what it is. It's a podcast. First, it's about the sound and the noise, which hopefully, we did add an extra little connector to our microphone so that it can be a bit louder. That was always a struggle I was having. But sorry, I just need to get all that off my chest before we jump into this episode. But it's kind of all about this.

Speaker 1: 7:35

I didn't even write down a outline for today's episode. All my episodes are not scripted, they're just like casual conversations, but usually I have the pointers. It's like when I turn on the mic. Was I going to remember what I normally say? I don't even know? If I did, did I say hey, cuties, welcome back to five years time podcast, like I don't remember. But then I have to remember what my outline is and I got that. We normally do what Our snack and drink of the week Okay, catch up snack and drink of the week are okay.

Speaker 1: 8:03

Catch up snack and drink of the week. What I learned this week roses, buds and thorns oh my gosh, I totally forgot about that. To literally write this moment and that entertainment recap Is that the right order? I think it is. Let's see if we get through that. What I learned this week is going to be very much obviously not what I just learned this week, because we have a whole year of things that I have been learning and it has been a wild, extraordinary, so full of so many highs and just a few lows. But, yeah, it's been a really whirlwind of a year and I'm ready to share now and I'm ready to be back and I'm ready to open up this audience again.

Speaker 1: 8:44

I also have met so many podcast cuties this year, which is hilarious because I literally think I only ever met one or two people in real life who listened to the podcast. Normally they follow me on TikTok and whenever I meet podcast people like I want to cry, I want to hug you, I want to buy you a drink, I want to like wherever you are, I want to like be with you in the moment and have like a time because, like you know me, like you know me so much, it is just like we are besties, like that is a real deep connection to me. And so, anyways, this year that I haven't been podcasting, I have ran into so many people who listen to the podcast and I'm like that is wild and I do get, like every week, an email saying like this many people have listened to this, this episode was popular this week, or whatever. So there are still people out there listening, which is just like amazing, and I'm so grateful for that. But I'm also grateful that we've been able to grow in this past year and I feel I feel like, okay, people value this and I value it.

Speaker 1: 9:46

But sometimes I get confused and mixed and I think that what I'm doing is not, there's no point and I should just stop because, like, why am I wasting my time? And that's not how I feel. Like I do love the podcast, I love it so, so much, and then I know that the listeners, my cuties, you love it too. But sometimes I just like I don't know there's like a disconnect and I just feel like I think it's because I'm on my own and so there's no one cheerleading me along, like I'm not saying you're not cheerleading me, but like there's no people around me saying like this episode was really good because of this, like I don't have a team around me supporting the podcast, if that makes sense. I don't know how to explain it.

Speaker 1: 10:26

Like I'm trying to connect it to like when I was at work and I would be working on projects or we'd be delivering things, and it's like okay, you have your shareholders and everyone's accountable, who you're accountable to and they all have feedback and people have things to say and you kind of can value the direction of what it's going and is it good, is it not? Do you need to do more of this, whatever? And so I feel like I don't have that and I feel like that's a big thing. All the time in this world of for me, of creating and being a digital space creator and doing all of this is that I'm the one that's I'm accountable to, accountable to myself, and I I sometimes I'm not my best cheerleader because I feel like, okay, like, what's the point Like, and that's like another thing for another day.

Speaker 1: 11:14

But all of this to be said is I'm super excited to get jumped into this episode and that this week we're really going to be talking about where I've been and why I left and why I left so rudely Ghosting. Hello, what am I? A Gen Z? Come on, answer the phone, don't be so anxious. Like, tell the people where you're at, rude.

Speaker 1: 11:34

Okay, so let's get into this week's catch up. Let me just grab a sip of Koofe, okay, what happened this week? Oh, it was family day weekend, which was so much fun. We had a four-day weekend with Ro because she also had Friday off and Thursday actually ended up being like a buses canceled, huge snow day. But the school stayed open and I got her to school because I was like we're gonna have a four-day weekend. I know she's gonna value being at school right now and it was technically their Valentine's Day because the PA day fell on valentine's day. But long story short is there weren't a lot of kids that went to school so I believe they ended up postponing it till monday or tuesday, whatever. But this past weekend was lots of fun.

Speaker 1: 12:12

Friday we had a play date with one of rose friends and it was one of her. It was a first time play date. I always love first time play dates. It's interesting to see how like everyone connects. It was definitely a hands on playdates On playdates, like the kids just go play and you're like, ah, freedom. And then some you're like, okay, what's the next activity? I gotta think I need to be on my toes. Thankfully, I am actually pretty good, especially with school age children, at coming up with activities on my toes, since I spent many, many, many years doing that for a living. And so we made hot chocolate Play-Doh, we made brownies, we played some sort of like tea party game. We did all this different stuff and then we just chillax the rest of the day. I think I'm like, what else did we do that day? Not much, I guess. Friday was Valentine's Day.

Speaker 1: 12:59

In our house Valentine's Day is a boy to girl holiday, which, like we're not trying to be sexist here, I'm not doing it because of that, it's just cute. It's something that Trevor gets to do, like usually like Christmas, I kind of take the reins, but also Trevor obviously participates and he does my presents. But, like for Rosie, it's like I'll go out and get that and do this and whatever. And so I feel like Valentine's Day is like his. It's always been, like he's such a lover boy and I feel like when he was growing up they always made homemade cards and like he's always taken that into our relationship and so, yeah, trevor kind of takes over Valentine's Day and spoils us. So he made us our homemade cards and got us little chocolates and little stuffies. And then he made us Eggs Benedict, which Trevor always makes the bomb diggity Eggs Benedict, so delicious. I feel like we rotate between cinnamon buns and eggs benedict. So this year was eggs benedict and then that was just like our cute little valentine's moment.

Speaker 1: 13:54

I did reserve dinner, for I would try to get it for friday, but I couldn't. I did it too late, so I did it for a saturday, which worked out anyways, because then we could have it earlier in the day because Trevor wasn't working. Then Saturday came along and we I feel like I literally can't even remember what we did. Oh my gosh, now I know I literally can't remember. Now I know, me and Ro. I remember Trevor woke up so tired and I was like, okay, you just have the day to yourself and we have dinner at whatever time. I think we were going at like 4 pm. I'll take Ro to the water park. So we went to Niagara Falls and we went to the indoor water park and we had so much fun.

Speaker 1: 14:32

Ro did not want to do the big slides, which, like, she would like them, but she's just nervous. After we went to Disney World which, oh, yes, cuties, a couple weeks. So we went to Disney World. But after we went to Disney World which, oh, yes, cuties, a couple weeks. So we went to Disney World. But after we went to Disney World, uh, she did every ride and she always does all the rides like, and then she gets scared on maybe one, two, sometimes three, and then she's like I don't like that feeling and then she just like gets in this mindset where she's like scared of it. But I knew she would have liked these water slides. The only thing is it was like a double, double hoop or a double tube. So she would have had to sit in front of me and then I would be behind her and I told her my legs would be there, like she could hold on to my legs and my arms could probably have reached her. But if she could have been in my lap she would have done it. So next time hopefully. But they had these other body slides that were a little bit smaller and she was loving those which, like a year ago, she did not like slides like that.

Speaker 1: 15:22

So I'm not stressed, but mainly the wave pool is her favorite attraction. Also, it was so warm. I was kind of like it was snowing so much and it's kind of like in a what is that called? Like a terrarium where you can like see outside. So it was so fun because you could like see the snow falling and then you were inside in this like warm environment. But yeah, the second we got into the wave pool. I was like I really just hope this is like a warm wave pool, because I can't do the being cold right now. And it was. It was like it was kind of like an amateur hot tub, like it was pretty warm. So I was very content with that.

Speaker 1: 15:57

We just had a lovely girly day and then we played at the arcade and then it was snowing so much we drove home very carefully and then we got home and then we had a couple hours to just chill out and I think I took showers and whatever. And then we went for dinner and we went. We always go for Valentine's dinner at this Chinese restaurant by us that makes these custard bunnies for dessert. They're so cute. They're like these little bunny dumplings that are deep fried and filled with custard and they're so cute and they're like Rose favorite thing ever. So we went there for dinner and we always get it's like a bunch of share plates, so we always get a bunch of different things. This year I feel like we ordered so much food. I don't even think we really did, but I think the things we ordered were bigger portions than what I remember the portions being, so we had leftovers for the next day, which was perfectly fine.

Speaker 1: 16:45

And then Sunday what did we do Sunday? This is where I'm like um, I don't think we did anything. I think Trevor oh I know, we literally did nothing, like we just hung out and play. Trevor went to go hang out with his friends. They're doing the what is it called Virtual golf or indoor simulator, you know, when you golf and you hit the ball at the screen. I don't know. But anyways, he went and did that with his friends and so me and Ro just chill, laxed. We watched movies, we played play-doh, we decorated. We had a bunch of big boxes and we made this like box fort for Astro and we decorated it. We cut out.

Speaker 1: 17:24

Rose said she wanted to do icicles, but then she was like, let's make them eggsicles. So then they're egg shaped icicles and we use stickers and tape and markers and just like had a crafternoon. Then we just chillaxed and I think right before bed Trev came home as it was getting dark and then Roe and him went out to run around in the snow. They're so sorry, my nose is running and I don't have a Kleenex. There is so much snow, I was gonna say nose, there's so much snow in the outside. Like we haven't had snow like this in a long time. I think three winters ago there was like a big snow. I remember we couldn't get out of our house. Like they don't normally plow our street now they do, I think with a smaller plow, but before they didn't normally plow us and so it was like, oh, nobody can go anywhere. Like we literally couldn't like get out of your driveway because the road was so deep in snow. But that was only for I feel like that was like a week, so this has been about a week too, so we'll see if it continues, but it's been. We've had so much snow and it's been lovely. I always have this theory that every other summer is rainy and then the other ones are hot, and then every other winter is snowy and then the other ones are like more mild. So maybe we're going on that track still, because last winter was so mild and this one is cold and snurry.

Speaker 1: 18:47

And then Monday was family day and we headed off to Trevor's parents and we we had got for Christmas for everyone um lego sets to build, and then we didn't end up getting around to building them that day I think Ro had fallen asleep and so we're like, okay, we'll do another day. And then we got together another day, but it didn't end up getting around to building them. That day, I think Ro would fall asleep, and so we were like, ok, we'll do another day. And then we got together another day, but it didn't work out. Anyways, we finally got around to it. We're like, ok, we'll do it today. So we all built our Legos. Some people had cars, ro had a Moana, I think. Becca, we got Minecraft. So, yeah, that had lots of connects, but never really lego.

Speaker 1: 19:24

Bro made hers like pretty much herself because it was like her age bracket and I love it. Like the ages I feel are so accurate, like she was so good at it. She just needed a little bit of help like pushing some pieces on. But I was like, oh, I can see why. This is like a fun thing. It is like a puzzle an easier puzzle because there's instructions.

Speaker 1: 19:42

Then we all went out tobogganing. There was so much snow that like the tobogganing part didn't really work out, but we had so much fun trying to like make our own hills like there were hills and we were. We actually had the best luck on like hills that were man-made, like they were made by the snow blouse and parking lots. Like making these huge mountains of excess snow. Those ones were the best. Made by the snow blouse and parking lots. Like making these huge mountains of excess snow, those ones are the best ones. But the snow is so thick and like no one had pre-made any pathways for us so we had to make them all and it was just like kind of a fail. Every time we would just like get so far and then like face plant in the snow or it would just be like the slowest crawl down, and then every so often we get one where it was like wow, but it was so much fun and it got us out of the house and just like into nature, which I always love.

Speaker 1: 20:33

We had it back and we had some chili and just hung out and Trevor had this huge bucket of lego from when he was a kid that had, I guess, a bunch of different sets in it, but it was all just dumped into this huge like Rubbermaid bin and so he was sorting it out, having the best time of his life, and normally he's the first one to be like okay, I'm tired, like let's go home, but he was like making us stay there forever. I was like Trev, like it's past everyone's bedtime, should we go? He was like, yeah, one, technically my container, I could have brought it to our house. And I was like, uh, I don't think we need that here right now. I could just see next. I don't. Our life is cluttered enough with what everything. I'm looking at right now like we don't have space for a giant thing of lego to be spread everywhere, not yet, but one day perhaps.

Speaker 1: 21:17

But yeah, that was our weekend. It was so lovely, it was the perfect amount of chill and activity and I love that. I love when you have that beautiful balance, because it does really feel like these weeks are just flying by. And like now that Rose in school, like kindergarten, I just feel like the days like go by so quickly. Like I pick her up and then all of a sudden, and then we play for a little bit and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, I need to make dinner. And then all of a sudden it's like, okay, it's bedtime. Like I feel like those that time is going by so quickly and her school starts earlier now than like her preschool did. So like I feel like our mornings are even more like condensed, so everything just feels like a routine go, go, go. And then. So when the weekends come, I love that we can just like have that good balance of going and doing a fun activity but then also just coming home and relaxing and chilling out. Like I love that the yin and the yang.

Speaker 1: 22:08

So let's get into. This week I learned Okay cutes. This week I learned I ghosted you and we're in a bit of a toxic relationship. I guess I'm opening my phone because I did write down a few things. I'm not going to show you all. I have like so many podcast topics. Every time I wanted to talk to you I would write down a reminders and then I would put a title and then I would just add so much stuff to it.

Speaker 1: 22:33

And there were so many times this past year where I was like okay, I want to sit down, I'm ready. I never. I never was until now, and that's just how it works sometimes. So why did I stop podcasting until now? And that's just how it works sometimes. So why did I stop podcasting this week? We are learning why. Why did I stop? Where did I go? Here's my mindset. Let's go back a year ago. Where was I a year ago?

Speaker 1: 22:54

A year ago I was extremely stressed every time I had to record the podcast like. Extremely stressed because one my computer I feel are recorded on used. My little macbook air was 10 years old and dying on its last leg. I wasn't even. I was on an external hard drive connected to that computer for majority of everything like. I didn't even use the actual like hard drive of that computer. It could not. It could not compute, it could not do it. Everything was on this hard drive.

Speaker 1: 23:27

But then somehow my computer was always running out of storage and it was just like it would shut down. All the time I would be in the middle of an episode, shut down, be in the middle of episode. No storage, no storage. Be flashing at me. You can't record, you can't record. And it was like this is stressing me out. Every time I would start.

Speaker 1: 23:48

I'm an organized cutie, don't look in this room, but I'm an organized cutie. Every time I would sit down it's like, okay, I'd make sure everything's deleted. All my storage is empty. Delete it from the deleted file. Garbage bin empty. Trash can empty. There's enough room on my external hard drive Like. I always do that. I do that before I film my videos on my phone, go through, delete backup, like I do all of that before I start because there's nothing more stressful than running out of storage and I've been there one too many times so that was always happening.

Speaker 1: 24:14

It was like my computer could not anymore. So that was the main reason. Truly, like if my computer was okay, probably I would have taken a break, a shorter break, and then continued, but that computer said no more podcasting for you and my wallet said no new computer for you. So we were kind of at a crossroads. That was the one thing. The two thing, honestly, like I jumped into solo podcasting. If you've been a longtime listener, you know that we used to have a co-host and I always envisioned my podcasting journey having a co-host. I love the vibe, the back and forth, I love riffing with people, I love laughing and having this like fun conversation or serious conversation where you're like able to share and connect on different things, and like all of this. Like I love that all and I do think I'm able to create that as a solo podcaster, just via you and me. I've always wanted to do it as a duo and so when, when I stopped doing and I went into solo.

Speaker 1: 25:19

Like it's a big undertaking being a solo podcaster in comparison, my, my, my opinion, my, my, my, my beliefs. I'm like, what am I trying to say? Obviously, it's different for everybody, but because I've done both, that's what I think. I think solo is really daunting sometimes, like to come down and sit for a whole hour plus whatever, talking by yourself, like and girl, I can yap, I am a yapper. Ask anyone in my family. They're like, okay, we tune Grace out at like 10 minutes, like we'll give her her time and then we can go on our way.

Speaker 1: 25:52

But I just feel like it's a lot like emotionally, and also the way that I'm podcasting is like a lot of me just like trying to connect with people through shared experience, and so I am sharing a lot of myself, and so that is a lot emotionally and it is very draining and it can feel very raw after I upload certain episodes or record certain episodes. It's like, oh my gosh, I've just like shared my deepest, darkest secrets and that's a lot. And so I think I was just feeling really burnt out. I guess Like is that? Yeah, I think I was feeling burnt out, but also I was feeling like uninspired and like lost, like who am I and what do I want and where am I going?

Speaker 1: 26:32

And I kind of started the solo journey and didn't really give myself time to like think about what, what that meant for my future future, what I was looking at or what my goals were or where the direction of the podcast was going. And so I just like felt like I really needed a reset. And so when my computer broke down, I was like, okay, this is the perfect time for me to take a reset. And then I was like, okay, what's this reset gonna look? Like like I need a little bit of time so I can save up some money so I can buy a new computer. So I was like, okay, okay, what's this reset going to look like Like I need a little bit of time so I can save up some money so I can buy a new computer. So I was like, okay, how long am I going to stop recording? For I hadn't figured that all out. But then the computer broke down and then I literally couldn't record. And then I was like I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1: 27:13

And then I had a trip planned where I was going to the Bahamas for my friend's bachelorette. And so I was like, okay, I'm just going to take these two weeks, because it broke down one week, and then I'm going to go on vacation and then we're going to come back and we're going to think about it. And so I went on vacation and I remember having those conversations with people. They were like, oh, like, how's the podcast going? And I was like, oh, I actually haven't podcasted. And I was like, oh, my gosh, like I actually don't know what I'm doing with the podcast, and like, da, okay, I need to save up for a computer. And then, as the weeks went by, I was like, what am I doing? Am I going to announce that I'm not bringing back the podcast? Am I bringing back the podcast? Am I putting on a hold for now? I was like I don't even know what I'm doing.

Speaker 1: 27:56

And then also, we have this daunting year in front of us. Daunting makes it sound bad. We had this amazing, fantastic year planned in front of us, starting with the Bahamas, but where we were going to be traveling so much, all our friends were getting married. Actually, yeah, I only have a handful of friends, but they were getting married. They all had destination elements, bachelorettes, the wedding, things like that. We had all these trips planned.

Speaker 1: 28:22

And then we had Trevor was going to Japan a couple months after that trip in February that I had taken and we were not planning on going, me and Rosie, but he was going to Japan and Korea for a friend's wedding and he was the best man and so they were doing like a little buddy moon wedding situation there and Trevor was only going to go for a week or less, like he wasn't going to go for that long, and I was like I don't think it's worth it to take Rosie that far and do that much time change for just a little bit. Like I, my dream destination in life has been Korea and I felt content with that decision, like this isn't the time for us to go. Then our friend Bill I don't know why I have to say his name, but our friend who is also friends with these, all these boys who are going on this trip for this wedding. He works remotely and much like Trevor and but he lives in BC and he had said to Trevor one night like I think I think I was maybe sitting in the room with him I'm not listening to the conversation, I'm not sure, but he said to Trevor one night that he was actually gonna go for like a prolonged period of time and work remotely over there and travel around and do like a bit of Korea, a bit of Singapore, like just go to a bunch of different Asian countries. And Trevor was like, oh, that sounds so cool, sounds so cool. And then Trevor I feel like we joked about it I think I, trevor, had texted me. I wasn't there.

Speaker 1: 29:46

Trevor had texted me and was like, oh, like this is what Phil's doing. And I was like, oh, how fun. And he's like I'm going to do that too. He was joking like that he was going to go by himself and do that. And I could because, like, I work for myself, 100% remote. Rosie is in preschool, so she doesn't have to be there. Like we could. If we're gonna do it, like this is the time to do it before she starts school, like where she it's more frowned upon to like take your kid out for a prolonged period of time.

Speaker 1: 30:15

And all of a sudden we were just like, are we gonna do this? And was like I had been saving up to buy a computer. I was like, or I could buy a plane ticket to Korea and go live there for a month. Like what, let's do it. And so, yeah, we just were like we're doing it. We just like told Phil we're like Phil, what if we come and we all get a place together for a month in Korea? Like what do you think about that? I feel like that would be so fun. It's like that would be so fun.

Speaker 1: 30:45

And Phil's like one of our friends, our childhood friends from back when we were obviously children. We all met at the same place. Well, trevor and Phil knew each other before, but, like I met Trevor and Phil at the same place like summer camp. We haven't all been in the same place in a long time. Like, obviously, we go there to visit and he comes here to visit, but we all just like been with each other for like prolonged period of time in a long time and we're like, okay, let's do it.

Speaker 1: 31:10

So I think that was just like you know what I am that helped me to decide that this year is the year aka this past year year I'm talking in the mindset of grace a year ago. This year is the year that I am just saying yes and doing things that I have literally always dreamed of and never, ever thought would be a reality and never thought in this way would be a reality. Like I never thought. I didn't see my future of, like me and Trevor and our kid, like going and staying in another country for a month and like working and living and just like being one with the culture. Like I never thought that that was something that we were going to do. And so when it became a reality, it was like, oh my gosh, this is wild. So, yeah, I just was like I'm not even going to think about the podcast anymore because I'm using my money to do this and I can't do the podcast without a new computer.

Speaker 1: 32:08

So that was my decision and I just made it. And I was like I'm not. I decided not to update anyone and I feel poorly for that. But at the same time, like I also didn't know what that meant. Like when was I going to? Was I going to decide the podcast was coming back, was I not? I don't even know. And I also came to this one point where, like I felt so emotionally and vulnerably, like overwhelmed with the podcast, that I almost like deleted the whole thing, because on the back end I can delete all the episodes, like not have them live, and I almost did that and I'm so glad I did it. I'm really really glad I did it. I almost did like I literally almost did it and there would have been no way to like reverse that. So I'm so glad I did it because people still listen to it and, honestly, like I'm proud of the work that I've done and like here I am back and even if I did come back and had done that, I would have been fine with it. But and my future is ahead of me, so I'm just excited. That's kind of where my mindset was.

Speaker 1: 33:10

So then we threw ourselves into traveling and taking opportunities and doing all these like really fun and wild things that like we wouldn't have done if ever. Like I just I'm so grateful that we were able to do it and that the opportunities were put in front of us and that we were capable and financially prepared to do them and we had so much fun. So we spent the year traveling. We went to Korea for a month. We went to my friend's wedding in Curacao. Trevor was in Mexico. He went to somewhere in the US, I don't know where, I don't remember. I want to say Chicago, but I think that's wrong. We went to the Bahamas. We had a week-long wedding here. That was so fun. It was my first big Indian wedding. Me and Ro went to Cologne at the end of the summer to go visit my bestie and her new baby and we just had like a really fun, amazing year.

Speaker 1: 33:57

And I feel no regrets for the decisions that I made. But I do feel bad for not letting you know what was up. But I just wasn't prepared, like I honestly, like was not emotionally prepared to make a decision and I didn't know what my future was looking like. So then I wanted to bring back the podcast. Like I didn't want it to be a whole year, I wanted to bring back the podcast. And every time my little savings got up to the okay, perfect, I can. Like after we finished pretty much in the fall, like I was like, okay, maybe September I'll bring back the podcast. That's a new beginning, new start, rose starting school, I'll be more structured, like let's do that.

Speaker 1: 34:31

And then it's like, oh, our dishwasher broke, oh, our washing machine broke. Oh, this broke, oh, that broke. It's like every time I wanted to press the button and buy the computer, something broke and it was like okay, we got to, we got to replace that, we got to do this, we got to do that. It just kept going on and on and on and on and I was like, if I don't buy a new computer by the new year, like what am I doing with myself? Come on, grace, we can do this. And then, thankfully, mac came out with the new Mac minis, which I always wanted a desktop computer, like I didn't need a laptop, I have my iPad. So I was happy to have a desktop computer. Mac came out with new Mac minis which have whatever chip is in it, which is like amazing, and they're like the best value for computer and it's like less than a thousand dollars for the computer and it was like amazing, yay, okay, we're buying it, let's do it. So I've had this computer literally since the new year just sitting and I finally opened it and got ready, but it was like all the pressure was on Okay, now I have to actually do the work. Oh my gosh, that's a hard part. So here we are. I'm so excited to be back here and I just feel like me taking that space and time is going to pay off in the long run, for the better of the podcast, I feel like I have more resilience.

Speaker 1: 35:43

For me it's been really interesting working on the internet and, like virality and all this stuff, like I hate going viral. I really do not like it. I'm grateful for moments where I have gone viral and they've given me growth and I've been able to find new people. But usually I honestly, usually through virality or viral videos, like I'm not finding the right people, but usually I honestly, usually through virality or viral videos, like I'm not finding the right people. Wrong people, wrong people, wrong people Go away, go away. And I will say that, like, as for business opportunities, like partnerships and stuff like that, like I don't think any viral video or viral moment has ever like made any of those partnerships. Like when I was going my most viral and feeling my most like stressed out by like the anxiety that comes with, like just like having your videos shown to so many people, like I was not I was making my least amount of money If anything like that did not affect. So I just don't really like going viral. I to avoid, avoid at all costs, but like you can't, you can't avoid it because usually it's like you make a mistake and someone points it out and then you go viral and it's annoying.

Speaker 1: 36:49

But anyways, I feel like working on the internet is like this really interesting space and that's why I love the podcast, because it always just feels like this, like safe spot just for us. I've been still vlogging on YouTube and I like vlogging as well and I love I personally love watching back vlogs and like seeing what I've been up to and all of that stuff. Like I personally love that and also I love our like travel vlogs and like special family moments and things like that. Like I love having that as memories and being able to see them, whereas the podcast like I rarely listen back to a podcast. Obviously I listen to it when I'm editing it and uploading it, but like other than that, I like rarely ever go back to a podcast.

Speaker 1: 37:27

So it's like this really unique thing where it's like it's a time in my life where I'm just like sharing this clip of it, like this chunk of it, and I'm giving it out and I'm hoping that it resonates with somebody and then I have really beautiful, amazing conversations with people via email, dms and stuff like that, and it just feels the cat's food's coming down and he just ran up the stairs so quickly. It just feels like this really like unique thing, different than any other form of social media. That I've done. Is podcasting social media? I don't know, is it? I think it is, because it's a media and it's social, but I guess you don't comment on it, but on YouTube you could comment on it.

Speaker 1: 38:07

It just feels like this really interesting place that I like love this form and like I felt like personally with myself, like this past year I haven't even just been contemplating content creation in the sense of podcasting, but I've been contemplating it in every out, in every element, and there was one moment this past year where I almost just like quit and then I spoke about it and I was able to like decide, like okay, I'm going to continue, and like I'm so glad that I did that and like spoke openly about how I was feeling, because sometimes I just like fester with myself and then it's like I'm making these decisions myself and it feels like a lot. When I came to the internet and I said, like I almost just decided, like I'm quitting or I'm continuing, what am I gonna do? I had so many people rally next to me and it was like, oh my gosh, like I know that like I'm obviously reaching out to people when I create content, but like it doesn't feel real, except for those moments when I'm like actually meeting people in real life. Sometimes it just feels like I don't know this, like other world, like the internet is like another world and it's like a different reality than this current, present moment that I'm living in and this reality. And so when I had actually like spoken up about how I was feeling and had so many people, I feel like what they were saying felt like real people giving me real advice, hugs, like life. Like it felt like real. It felt it felt real to me and that was one of the first times where it was like oh my gosh, this is like a crossover. Like this is not, this is one place and it's not necessarily separated. Like this isn't grace online, grace in real life.

Speaker 1: 39:45

Like it feel it felt more like okay, I'm actually doing something and participating in something and like creating things that people value and it that helped because, like I feel like for a whole year I was like feeling like I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I want to post, I don't know what I like, I don't know why I should share. I feel like it doesn't matter, like there's so many other people who post recipe content. There's so many other people who share about their life. There's so many other people who have podcasts. There's so many other people like why should I do it?

Speaker 1: 40:20

Like I don't matter as much, and it's like that's so sad that I thought that, but also it's just really I was contemplating with that, not just for podcasting, but for everything, and so I feel like I have so much more like clarity and direction and I just feel like I am myself and I could only ever live who I am, like my truth, my authentic self, and like I love editing and I love creating and I love filming and I love all this stuff and I'm able to create income from it, which is amazing. It's literally the most flexible, fabulous job in that sense, like for my family, makeup and lifestyle right now, like I'm so grateful for that. And sure, there's times when it's like, oh, I wish I had coworkers and like I wish I was in like a social environment more often, but like at the basis of it, I would never be able to have this much flexibility, match income. It just like it's I'm so grateful, like, and I feel like that's one thing I will always say is that, like, I am just so grateful for this.

Speaker 1: 41:16

So once I was able to just like put out my list of pros and cons and like, just realize I'm putting all this pressure on myself, like all the time I feel like not as not as much anymore, like, but back then I was putting so much pressure on myself all the time I was like, oh, I need to film another video, I should. I'm not posting enough. Oh, okay, I missed this day. I missed this day. Oh my gosh. Also, I would feel like, okay, my videos aren't getting pushed in the same way they used to be. I feel like I'm not connecting to the same audience I was before and it's like I miss that audience.

Speaker 1: 41:45

And then it's like, I don't know, I just felt like I was putting way too much pressure on myself where, once I let go and was like I'm just going to put out what I want to put out and it's going to meet whoever it meets, and that's that Like, that's all I can do. I can't control the media form, I can't control the platform that I'm posting on and they can't control who I'm going to be. So I'm just going to be me and then put it out there and then, wherever it goes, it goes, and once I like let go. That gave me so much clarity and direction on like what I want to share and like I just really want to, just want to show up and be myself and have fun and just like love, love life alongside all the cuties, and just like participate in the beauty of every day has to offer, like that's really what I want to do and that's what I want all my content to reflect is just like a girly live in her life and try to find the joy and sparks that are in this sometimes very much chaotic world. So here I am back and it's so funny I'm at this point in the podcast recording right now where I feel like, oh my gosh, what have I even said?

Speaker 1: 42:53

Like does this even make sense? Who's listening? Why are they listening? Do they even? Did I just make? Why did? Did I even just say? Like I always get to that around the 40 something minute mark. I'm always like, what did I even just say? Nobody wants to listen to this? Like I'm just yap, yap, yapping. It's like Grace, don't say that, it's their decision if they want to listen or not.

Speaker 1: 43:15

Okay, so this week I learned I ghosted you. I was toxic, but I'm back, baby, and I'm here with a clear mind and I'm excited to be here. I have a blank slate behind me, these bookshelves. I painted them. There's nothing on them. I've stuck this thing here because there's a hole behind the wall and I didn't want you to see it right now. But I got my blanket on and I'm sitting on a couch and I'm chatting with my cuties and I have my cup of coffee, which is cold now. Cheers. And now we have a cat who loves to come around here and likes to use these bookshelves as like a little jungle gym. But we can share the cat another day if you want to know the story of the cat.

Speaker 1: 43:56

Okay, what's after what I learned this week? Is it rose buds and thorns? Okay, cuties, let's get into rosebuds and thorns. Okay, cuties, let's get into roses buds and thorns. I cannot believe it's roses buds and thorns. I can't believe I forgot about that. Like I didn't forget about it, like I knew that that was something we did, but I totally was not even thinking, going into this episode, like, oh, I need to know what my roses, buds and thorns are Like. I totally forgot that that was, like such a vital and important part of this podcast. So my rose honestly my rose is that I am finally getting the podcast up and back in action. I'm a little nervous to like export this and get everything back up, but I'm excited to do it and remember how to do it because, honestly, I just feel like once I do everything, once it's like oh yeah, okay, I get it, I remember how to do this, like I got this. So I'm so excited that we're back to podcasting. That's my rose.

Speaker 1: 44:46

My thorn Hmm, what's my thorn? Oh, I don't even know. You're meeting me at a good week cutes. I think my thorn is a classic. I have so much laundry to fold, like I think there's. There's a huge pile right here that needs to be washed, but there is at least three overflowing baskets in the laundry room that I just like took out of the dry and put in baskets but haven't folded. So that's my thorn. But also, maybe there'll be like a show I can watch. Oh, too cute kitty cat, sorry, lester was looking cute. Watch, oh, cute kitty cat, sorry, astro was looking cute. Maybe there'll be like a show I can watch with it and fold. The thing is, once it hits 4.30pm it's usually when I start making dinner and then, like in the wintertime, like I'm done, like once it's dark and I'm putting Rota bad, like I just want to stay, I want to go into my bed and watch like TikTok, or watch a show Like I don't want to fold, like it's not going to happen. So theoretically, I would like to fold it today, but also I don't think I'm going to. So that's my thought is that I have to do that, but there's always tomorrow, my bud.

Speaker 1: 45:57

What am I looking forward to? Oh, I booked a, so I'm going to my dance classes. Did I go to dance classes while I was podcasting? I don't think I did. So I go to dance classes every week. A little boogie class, very fun and my boogie teacher is doing a Taylor Swift boogie party this weekend and I'm so excited. I got tickets for me and Rowie and it'll be so much fun. We're going to do dances to Taylor Swift, I guess, and I think there's friendship bracelet making and all that stuff. So I'm so looking forward to that. That'll be such a nice little weekend treat. So I'm really looking forward to that. And I haven't told Rowe because I literally just booked it right before I sat down to record this podcast. So I'm excited to tell Rowie too.

Speaker 1: 46:38

Okay, let's get into our entertainment recap. Entertainment recap cuties. I don't even know what I'm watching. Oh, I watched the new summer house episode. Who is literally obsessed? I love summer house. Like it's like a warm hug, catching up with your friends. But who's so obsessed with like just everything right now? Like, honestly, I'm kind of over it. I don't want to hear any more of the he said, she said between, like the craig Paige breakup, but like, I'm just like obsessed with the fact that like they've brought it to the show and now we have to wait like a whole season to like get to the part where they're going to talk about it. Just intrigued, like I'm glad that I have we have that teaser. So, yeah, that's where we're at with Summer House. I'm happy to be back watching it. Excited.

Speaker 1: 47:27

I start oh, I started the new blow deck season. Blow deck Australia no, is that what it's called down under? Blow deck down under, although I think they're in Africa, where are they this year? I don't even remember that, just started like last week or the week before. So there's just a couple episodes. So I'm watching that.

Speaker 1: 47:37

Um, I did start southern charm and I did not like it. I got to season four and I think I gave up like a couple seasons into season four and then I asked on Instagram, or I said on Instagram that I was watching it and everyone said, honestly, if you're not loving it, don't like, it's not my favorite. I was like, ok, good, because I was really just watching it to try and get like the page in Craig lore. But now I'm like so aware of who Craig was for season one of four of Southern Charm and I'm like, okay, I don't understand the hype. No, so yeah, that's where I'm at with Southern Charm, didn't watch it.

Speaker 1: 48:11

I did watch a while ago, over Christmas break, real Housewives of Salt Lake City. All of it, binged, it all. I was obsessed, obsessed, obsessed. I caught up to the new season, watched it, amazing. So 10 out of 10 recommend. I did try watching Real Housewives of New York original from the beginning, but I just couldn't get into it. Like I'm not there. Love Island is currently on, I'm pretty sure they do. They're doing the winter season this year, but I'm saving it up so that I can watch it. I haven't watched that at all. I don't have enough time to do that right now, so I'm saving that up.

Speaker 1: 48:38

Then me and Ro have been watching lots of throwback movies. We watched Annie, like the Annie in New York, like the new one musical. She loved it. We had such a fun time watching that. I went and watched Mufasa. I'm obsessed with the soundtrack. The movie was okay, like it was whatever, but the soundtrack I'm literally obsessed with. Me and Ro listen to it every single night and like I love it. And like I love it, I love the song Malay Lay, obviously, brother, like there's so many things, but love it.

Speaker 1: 49:03

I'm trying to think what other? Oh, we showed her this weekend. What is it called? I wanted to say Confessions of a Drama Teenage Queen. That's not it, but it is a Lindsay Lohan movie. Lindsay Lohan, lindsay Lohan movie, what's it called? Come on, you got this Freaky Friday. We watched Freaky Friday. Such a good movie. Ro loved it. That was great, um, but yeah, so we've been watching lots of like random little throwback movies here and there. I was telling her Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.

Speaker 1: 49:29

She might like I was trying to get her to watch High School Musical because she was into Hannah Montana and she loves uh, not iCarly. What's the other one, sam and Cat, which I like never watched, but as a kid growing up but she's been liking Sam and Cat. So I was like, okay, we gotta get more of that generation. We should also try Zoe 101. I loved Zoe 101. I did try Lizzie McGuire movie. She wasn't interested in that. I think that one's a little too old for her. But yeah, so we've been having fun, like because she's starting to like that type of genre of show. So we're watching all our throwback movies and shows, which, which has been nice. But yeah, that's what I'm watching, pretty much entertainment.

Speaker 1: 50:03

Recap wise, what I've been listening to New Lumineers, New Moni Bear I've been loving. I'm in like this, like sad slowdown era with the music, I guess. But I also have some fun stuff that I've been listening to. But yeah, I really want to get tickets to Lumineers. They were just here this past weekend in niagara and I didn't even know that they were coming and then the resale tickets were like I think 300 and I was like, okay, I'll just go by myself, like because if we bought tickets in toronto, whatever, it probably be like 150 because they're coming into toronto in september probably be like 100 150 each. So if me and trevor both want to be 300, but trevor doesn't really care for the lumineers.

Speaker 1: 50:40

So I was like, okay, if I can for sure buy resale, like I should go this Sunday because they're only doing, I think, one Canadian date or two, two in Toronto, and the pre-sale was yesterday but I didn't have a pre-sale code, so we'll see if there's anything available. I think they go on sale tomorrow or in a couple I don't remember what date is the 20 something and it was just like, should I go, should I not go, I'm gonna freak out if I don't get to go. Um, I have trauma because I didn't get to go to the the heiress tickets, so I just have like this, like oh, oh, I have to see them, I love them. I didn't end up going, which is actually better, because the weather was so bad. It wouldn't be good to drive Trevor's like, don't worry, we're gonna get them, it's all gonna work out. But like I swear my TikTok feed is like everyone getting the tickets or saying that they weren't able to get tickets or that they're stressed that they're not gonna be able to get tickets. I'm like I need tickets so I know the good vibes for that. But yeah, that's what I've been listening to.

Speaker 1: 51:33

So it's the entertainment recap cutes. Oh my gosh, is that everything? Oh wait, did I sing? Entertainment recap entertainment recap I don't think I did. I'll edit that over there. I probably won't, but you can hear it now. Okay, cute, I think that's everything. I got like a million messages while I was recording that and got distracted at one point, so I need to respond to those. Oh, it's also 1111. So make a wish. Thank you so much for listening and coming and joining in the fun.

Speaker 1: 52:02

This was kind of a jumping episode. We went everywhere around the world all year Like no, but even just like we just like. I feel like I word vomited a lot and half of it probably didn't make sense. But just know, I'm sorry that I ghosted you, it was for a good cause. I feel better now and ready and I have clarity and I'm excited to see where the podcast goes. Let me know what types of things you enjoy, don't enjoy, like what's your favorite part of the podcast? What's something you'd love to have in the podcast that maybe isn't part of it? Let me know. Okay, cuties, I love you. I hope the audio is good. That always scares me. Sometimes it doesn't end up being good, but I've been listening this whole time through my headphones and it sounds okay. I'm wishing you love, hugs and everything in between. Oh my gosh, I can't believe. I just Thank you.