Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey cuties, I just want to share this before we get into the podcast so you can appreciate the irony that I did not even record through this microphone for the entirety of that podcast. Also, if you can hear my laundry, I put it on. It's very loud. I heated up my leftover orecchiette, spicy Italian sausage, rapini for lunch and I'm staying high vibes and positive because things happen. High vibes and positive because things happen. So apologize for the audio. It's not horrific, but it's not the best it could ever be. Hey, cuties, welcome back to five years time podcast with me, your host grace.

Speaker 1: 0:37

I was gonna take a sip of water before I started and then I forgot, so we'll have that water break moment together. I have my proper headphones on this time. Thanks TK for letting me borrow them, because last weeks or whatever, I think I haven't recorded for a couple of weeks the last episode I was just so irritated by the in bed ones. I like the over the ear better and I think I can't decide if I like hearing myself or don't like hearing myself, but I think I do, because then I can tell if I'm like blowing up the speaker with a ha, ha, ha, ha or getting too loud or anything like that, since no one else is listening as I'm recording self-produced made queen me. I said that I'm not put together in any way shape form and I wish not to do this ever again. But I do love the podcast, but the setting up of the equipment and everything just like really boils my blood every single time I have to do it. I just don't know how to explain it other than that I just wish I could sit down and it'd be perfecto. It never is, it never is, it never is. But I'm back.

Speaker 1: 1:44

Cute, I took a couple weeks off because one uh, the first week that I didn't post, everyone got sick in the house. Well, it went and it started throwing up and I was stressed. I was like, oh my gosh, it's gonna be the gastro. But then it wasn't. Well, maybe it was, but it wasn't a bad version of it. Um, ro started us off but only threw up once, and then me and Trevor both got upset stomachs a little bit later, but like nothing other than that. But that week was a bit of a sickness ridden house and then also I was just feeling like, so down on top of that, I feel, and I just like was. I can't record the podcast. Why is the cat meowing and running down the stairs so intense? What is that? I don't think I've ever seen you do that before. Also, if you're watching on the video, we have my pink chair back here, which I used to use many, many moons ago. Um, I got rid of our brown couch. Oh no, I didn't, I didn't get rid of it. It's upstairs. I know, guys, I'm moving everything everywhere all the time, but we oh, cat on me. I think I'm also learning how to record with a cat, which is very overstimulating for me. But they got, uh, we redid rose podcast gosh, and now the lighting's all different. Sorry about that, cute. I just needed to get the cat gone somewhere else because, honestly, I was about to have a mental beat.

Speaker 1: 3:19

Um, it is 1130 AM. I usually eat my lunch around this time, or even a little bit earlier than this, and I have not, because I just want to get this done, because it took me so long to figure out how to set some stuff up. I don't want to talk about this every week. I really don't. I'm trying to work past this, but anyways, my point being is that I took a week off because the house was sick and then I took off last week because it was March break and I just want it to be in full mom mode with Ro. And now I'm back.

Speaker 1: 3:46

And also with that note, I want to say that I'm taking everything in my life, everything, every element of my life, in a more laissez-faire is that the right word, I don't know just like a more relaxed approach, and I know that might suck for the cuties who want to hold or that I want to hold myself accountable to, but you want to have a, um, a reliable source of entertainment, um then, and know that every week I'm going to be here and all of this stuff, or every day I'm going to be on TikTok or whatever it is. But I cannot keep to that schedule. It is not good for my mental health, it is not good in general. I don't think anyone should have to and I think that social this is a whole nother concept like topic, but I think that social media has really brought out this more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more hamster wheel type of thing. But it's like, even when you're doing the most, you're never doing the most. There's more you can be posting on, there's more places you can be and then, once you feel confident in one place, they're going to take away that app and then you're going to move to another one and it's just like so much is actually too much. I don't think I realized how much it was until recently, and now it's like I'm actually only accountable to myself.

Speaker 1: 5:02

I want to create amazing and wonderful, uplifting, positive, joy-filled content for my cuties, but I can't do that if I am not coming from a place of joy. Literally, I can't do that. It's not going to happen. I'm going to resent it. I have been there, I have done that and I don't want that to happen again.

Speaker 1: 5:20

So I'm trying to take a more relaxed approach and if there's a week that I just can't fit in into my schedule or I'm not in the place to record, then I'm not going to force myself to do that. I'm doing the same with TikTok. I'm doing the same with Instagram. I'm doing the same with everything YouTube, everything I'm going to upload when I want to upload and that is that, and you know what you do end up leaving things on the table, like some people might not appreciate that they don't want to be here, and that's okay. This space is not the place for you, and that's fine. And if you feel you are drawn to this space and what I am able to provide to you, then I'm grateful for you being here, because I love all you cuties so much.

Speaker 1: 5:57

And yes, it doesn't make you grow necessarily in your career or whatever, but you know what grow necessarily in your career or whatever, but you know what? I can only create goodness when I am good and I am not good. When I'm pushing myself or falling into a trap of I am not good enough and when I am stuck in a cycle of feeling I am not good enough. How can I, how can I tell you guys how amazing you are and create joy in your life? I can't. My cup's got to be a little bit more full.

Speaker 1: 6:25

So this wasn't a rant. I'm not mad at anybody, but I just like. I'm also trying to remind myself like grace, hold strong. You do not need to be anybody other than yourself. You are good and you create good things, and the only way you can do that is when you're coming from a place of peace and joy. And the only way I can do that is by staying true to myself and not feeling like I have to endlessly be putting everything out into the world at all times, and it just doesn't work that way. I can't push myself like that.

Speaker 1: 6:57

So, anyways, that being said, I'm excited to be here this week and as I get back into the routine of recording and feeling confident and comfortable on the microphone, it becomes more and more warm and welcoming for me not from you, like, but for me just being here. I'm like, okay, I'm in my place of Zen, because with all the little bits of things that go into this, all the I'm looking at all the wires and cameras and stuff it can feel overwhelming sometimes. Just to get my point, it's like I even brought out the iPad and I jotted down all my notes. You can't see it, it's going to be blown out, but I jotted down all my notes how I used to and I felt really good about that. And then it's like, yes, let's record. And then I sit down and it's like, okay, I got to get through all the frustrating stuff, but now I'm feeling comfortable and I'm happy to be here.

Speaker 1: 7:52

But let's get into our weekly recap cutes. I feel like we have so much to talk about because it was March break and we got up to literally nothing, but everything at the same time. We had no plans. This is our first March break. Rosie has never had a March break before, like with her preschool. So, um, I kind of forgot about March break until all of a sudden it was like, oh, she doesn't have school next week. Okay, it's March break. Like, what are we going to do?

Speaker 1: 8:10

And we had been talking about switching up Rose bedroom for a while. She doesn't really, she didn't really like her old one. She was scared of it. It's a little bit bigger. We have two. We have our bedroom and then we have two other bedrooms. That one is our guest bed and one was hers. And I gave her the bigger bedroom because I thought like that's what she would want. But then now she's like I want a smaller room and I feel a little nervous and she really wanted a bunk bed. So we switched the room. So now we have like our chill zone she calls it our chill room which is our guest room, but I've moved the brown couch up there and put our tv. We had an extra tv that was in our guest room, so I put that in there. So there's like a little chill zone and then there's the bed, but it's kind of more Danish and it's a new hangout spot.

Speaker 1: 8:52

And then we turned our guest room into her bedroom, which I love. Our guest bedroom it's probably my favorite bedroom in the house. Lighting wise, it has the best light, it just gets the best natural light and it feels so I don't know fresh and lovely and it overlooks the backyard. I just love it so much. Um, astro stop please. And so I decided that, uh, we would do that, and she was so excited about it so we got in our plan.

Speaker 1: 9:19

She really wanted to paint and I was like, oh, painting. If you know anything about me, cuties, I absolutely detest painting. I really really, really, really, really, really don't like it. It is so much work for me, like, I'm sure there's people who are amazing at it, but I just find it the most labor-intensive, like not fun thing. I really just don't like it. And then you have to do it once and you got to do another coat and honestly, we probably could have done a third coat. But I said we're calling it twos. Where we're at, it's good enough. It's, it's a good enough, um. But we painted this really beautiful pinky color with like a bit of an orange undertone. It was called pinky swear, it's so sweet.

Speaker 1: 9:58

And we got a little loft bed and I ordered a Joey couch, which is like one of those like kid foam couches that can be built into a lot of forts and stuff to put under the loft bed and then she can play with it, obviously outside of it. But instead of doing like two mattresses, two beds and it just came yesterday and she has been having the best time with it ever. It is so awesome and it's nice to have a little sitting spot too while we're in there. And then, honestly, I just wanted to keep it as clear as possible. I got a carpet for the ground, so it's really warm and cozy, some lovely curtains for the window.

Speaker 1: 10:32

We switch your closet over and I do have a, not a wardrobe, what is it called? A chest of drawers in our garage that a family friend had given to us before she moved, specifically for Rose Room. A family friend had given to us before she moved, specifically for Rose room, and it's like, oh, now's the perfect time, but I feel like right now we're still on floor play and everything fits in our closet, so I am going to leave off not putting it in her room just for now, um, but we'll see. Uh, I want to live with how we have the space right now. There's one other thing I ordered, which was a new light fixture for the top Cause. Right now it's just like, really like whatever came with the house and it's like not not nice light. I never turn that light on, but we really love sleeping with fans on, and so me and Trevor have a ceiling fan and I know Ro loves a ceiling fan, so I got a light with a ceiling fan in it and that's coming at some point and we'll have fun installing that, me and Trevor. I feel like every time we have to install electrical it is a test on our communication skills and teamwork effort, but we're pretty good at it now.

Speaker 1: 11:32

But I remember when we first got married and started installing lights in our condo, that was one of the first things. It was like, hey, we can get through this, that and then and hanging mirrors those are the two things. That really pushes to our limits. But yeah, so we did that. We had lots of fun. It was a big project. I'm glad that I started the painting on Monday. Uh, because if I didn't start it on Monday, I would have never started. I would have been like, eh, let's just push it off. Uh, because that was just really the hard part and we got everything done.

Speaker 1: 12:02

So, rose having the best time ever, I'm having the best time ever, uh, when I put her to bed, I snuggle her and read her a story and then, like she falls asleep and I leave. But it's so interesting being like on a bunked bed or a lofted bed, because I it's like I've never seen this view of our house before. It's like, oh, it's like so interesting. I don't know, I just like wasn't expecting that, but that is, that is what we did March break. Really, that was like the, the meat and potato of it. And then, other than that, we did go see a movie. What did we go see? Oh, dog man. Ro had already seen it with Trevor, but she really wanted to go to the movies and there was no like kids movie that came out over March break. So we went and saw Dog man. We really wanted Snow White, but it's not out till, I think, this weekend it comes out. So we're excited to see that.

Speaker 1: 12:51

We also watched a bunch of the classic Disney movies, like Mulan. Ro had never seen Mulan. I haven't seen Mulan in forever. I actually think Mulan is one of my favorite Disney movies. It is so good and saying that we're actually going to watch tonight because we were listening to a Spotify playlist this morning while I was making breakfast of, like trap, disney remixes. It's actually super fun. Ro loves it. But I knew, um, the new genie song came on with Will Smith, which I guess is from what movie is that Aladdin? And so we've never seen the new Aladdin. So I think we're going to watch that tonight.

Speaker 1: 13:25

Um, but we also went to the mall because Trevor had to get something, I don't know. Oh, yeah, he wanted to get his iPad looked at and me and Ro weren't doing anything. So I was like, okay, let's go to the mall too. And then Ro has wanted to do the stuffy riders for so long and I we just like have never got around to it. And I was like like, oh, we can do the stuffy riders today because she's under the age of six. I had to go on with her. Oh my gosh cuties, I literally am obsessed. It is so fun. If you have a stuffy riders at your mall, you have to do it. It's kind of expensive, like it's not like a cheap activity, but it is so fun, like, and they kind of got. They got good speed on them, especially like with me in row on them, and then you can go down the ramps and all around we were having the best time ever, literally. It was so fun. So if you've got a stuffy rider near you, you got to do that. I'm excited because I think they have stuffy riders at the outdoor mall, which is like our outlet. So this summer I want to do that, except for we'll have to do it during the week because the weekends will be too busy. But that was really fun.

Speaker 1: 14:23

I also have been spring cleaning. Oh, it feels so good. It started with Rose room. Like leading up to Rosie or to March break, I knew we were going to do Rose room. So I was like, okay, I'm going to start going through stuff. And then, um, I just like started doing a bunch of belly village runs and then obviously we got. We got rid of a well, not obviously, but we had rose old bed, which is trevor's bed from when he was a kid and when she decided she wanted to bunk bed, we're like, okay, we're gonna get rid of that. So we just got a bunch.

Speaker 1: 14:54

Once we were getting that furniture out, I realized you can do like big furniture pickups on your curb in our city every other garbage day, and so I've just been doing like booking all these big cause we have so much. I feel like when we moved from the condo, we like kept our furniture, but then we ordered furniture that actually fits the house and then we still had our littler furniture and we've just been moving it around. And then we got furniture from other people who are moving and they were like maybe you'll need this or maybe you'll need that, and I just feel like we have so much extra stuff and it just feels like everything just feels squishy. We're like coming up on five years in this house, which I actually don't know how, what that like that shocks me more than having a five-year-old like. Like, how have we lived here? Like what? Yeah, that just feels wild to me, but, that being being said, it's like that's the longest we as a couple have lived somewhere, cause I think we were in a condo for three years, and so I just feel like we've collected so much stuff and I just am at the point where I'm like get out of my house, and so every time I get that spurt of energy, I just like run around and try and like fill up my trunk and then head to Valley Village and I'm so excited to do our garage Like we have so much junk in our garage, like literally you can't even get into our garage without taking something out of our garage and half of that stuff, if not more, is not we don't need it. Like it's just random things, like things that were either left from the previous people, that are like up in the loft or at the very back, or just like extra random things that people have given us and it's like we don't need it. Like you know what I mean. So I'm just really working through that.

Speaker 1: 16:40

The getting rid of Trevor keeps saying, oh, we're organizing. I'm like no, no, no, we have not started organizing. We are getting rid, we are letting go, we are saying goodbye and then, once that is done, then we can start organizing and at that point it won't even be that much work because everything will already have a place. Even just here, like my desk is still horrendous. Guys, I know I haven't gotten to this. Look, my bookshelves are empty. Everything's done, but everything's still whatever Trevor did build my lamp, though over here I need to put a light bulb in it, but my desk is still full of stuff. There's still a few things on the ground over here, but I got rid of a bunch of books. There were so many books that people had given to me that I did not need, so I got rid of a bunch of these books and things and I still there's still a few little things, but even just that it feels better.

Speaker 1: 17:29

It's just slow and steady. That's all I'm trying to do. It's just a little bit here, a little bit there, um, but yeah, so that's really what I've been up to this past week and it felt just good. It felt so good to be with Ro. Every day I'm trying to figure out our summer plans, because she's always been in summer camp like all summer long, because her preschool just had like a summer camp connected to it and so it was easy to just sign her up. She loves being in summer camp, but I think she's really been enjoying like more home time, like mommy me chill, like I feel like now that she's in school, it's a lot more structured and I think she's just really been enjoying that. So it was nice for us to have the March break together. I did sign her up for a couple weeks of summer camp with some friends that she did go to preschool with, so that they have some time together, and we are going to be doing a few little um getaways locally not no trips planned, well, I guess like up north getaway moments, um with my mom and then also with Trevor's family. So that's all planned. And then, other than that, there's like pretty much I feel like all of August is open.

Speaker 1: 18:36

I'm trying to think but I'm like I was trying to do it should I sign her up for more camps? Does she want to be at home? But I think we're just gonna have sign we're up for more camps. Does she want to be at home? But I think we're just going to have a home time like just full hangout, me and her. Because I really do feel like, all of a sudden, I just have this like, oh, I'm living in the, I'm living in the time that I've been waiting for my whole life. Like I just had this like, oh, my gosh, and uh, I just want to embrace it, and we haven't really had a summer where we've just been chill, like you know nowhere to rush off in the morning. We can hang by the pool, we can just hang out. We can go on a like a trip during day to wherever we want to go. Go to the park in the afternoon, bike to get freezies, just chill stuff. I want to do that. So I think that's what we're going to do this summer. I'm trying to really.

Speaker 1: 19:22

Oh my gosh, I just like somehow erased half my notes, like, how did I do that? It's okay, we've already. Oh my gosh, what the heck? How did I do that? Cuties, who gave me an iPad? Why is it on erase? Okay, well, that's funny. Anyways, good thing, I really don't use this. I just use it as like a make sure I'm not missing my part. Okay, that was this week. So let's get into our snack and drink of the week, which I don't think I've done since we brought back the podcast, because I totally forgot about it. Thankfully, I still have snack and D written here. I somehow erased the drink part, but that's okay. Snack and D Okay, tea time. Cuties, this week this past week, week and a half has been, ever since we got sick and started feeling a little bit better has all been about bringing back tea time I used to be such a staple in my life, like around 2, 3 pm I would have a nice cup of tea and a little something, and I've been making our little something has been either two types of cookies I would have a nice cup of tea and a little something and I've been making our little something has been either two types of cookies I've been making the cookies for two, but I've been switching up the recipe a bit and browning the butter, because my friend sent me home with brown butter cookies the other week, just the dough and uh like to bake at home and they. And so I was like, hmm, what if I tried doing that with this recipe? Trevor and I did it one day with that and one day not like the original, and Trevor said the brown butter one was his favorite and I didn't tell him what was different. So that was really good.

Speaker 1: 20:57

Another thing is these like wafer cookies. You know you get those wafer cookies in a pack, but this is that are like all lined up marchers, like you know the strawberry filled ones or the vanilla ones, but these ones are like. I feel like they're Italian, I don't think they are, but I don't know. They come in a bag where you buy the Italian cookies that come in a bag, but they're all wafer cookies. Either way, they're the same thing but they're different shapes and some are dipped in chocolate and some are not, but they are wafer cookies and I'm like obsessed with them right now.

Speaker 1: 21:24

Just a couple of wafer cookies and a nice cup of tea around that two, 3 PM, oh, it's like literally fuels me for the rest of the day and also just like makes me excited for that that time of the day. So I brought back my tea time and, that being said, I really need to go buy some Earl gray tea, because all I have right now is um orange Pico, which is expired, like I didn't know. I know tea can go get expired, but like I feel like sometimes like they're not so horrible, but this box is really horrible. I tried a bag the other day and I was like oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's been in here for too long, probably five years since we moved. Um, and then I have what's my other one? But I only have a couple of bags left. The best one, come on. What's it called? Irish breakfast? Is that it? Yeah, irish breakfast. So that one. I only have a few bags left and I think I'm ready to go back to my Earl Grey, because I love Earl Grey. It's so good, um, so, yeah, that's my snack and drink of the week.

Speaker 1: 22:20

Okay, what I learned this week, which I erased literally half down, just like the left hand side. Somehow erase that. I don't know how I did that. I write my notes with my Apple pencil, so it's like my chicken scratch, but I don't know how I did that. That's just amazing. That's amazing. Okay, I know you erase the part where it's like what did I actually learn this week? Now I have to remember. Okay, get, cuties, I don't want the cat on me while I'm recording, because it's really overstimulating and Astro just does his claws so deep into me as I was trying to push him off. Oh my gosh, it's hard because when I'm not here, this is his chair. Like ever since I moved this chair here, he just sits here all the time. Okay, I'm going to take a sip and then process what my little togetherness of what I learned this week is. I'm pretty sure I remember what it is. Yeah, I got it now, but we're gonna do this together. Okay, cuties, what I learned this week.

Speaker 1: 23:33

I am currently I guess I kind of spoke about this earlier but I am currently living in like my dream life, like the life I've always dreamt of, and I feel like I always think about this Like I've always. I used to be someone who looked so far into the future all the time. I was always like planning for the next thing. I was excited for the next day, I was making a list for the next thing, I was planning out what I wanted to buy for the next thing. It was always like what's the next thing? I was so devoted to the next thing and I tried really hard to like step back from that and like get into the. This is the time, this is the time.

Speaker 1: 24:09

And then I realized, like after I like got married or got engaged, or graduated, gotten married sorry, there's so many things, but after all those big milestones happened you know, like graduated, got a car, got engaged, got married, had a kid when all of that happened not even the have a kid part, but all the wedding stuff, like that all happened so quick and we did it so fast because we only had a six-month engagement. But also it was like during such a busy time my life I was during that time. I was just striving get to the next, get to the next, get to the next. And then it was like, okay, now, now. No, the next, now, the next, the next.

Speaker 1: 24:44

But I realized that like I really just like rushed past all of that and didn't like sit in it and feel in the moment Like I'm sure there were times I know I had a great time and all of that stuff, but it's like I wish I was just more present. And that's what I tell all my friends now who are like getting married or having a baby, all this stuff. I'm like just be more present, be more present. Put your phone away. Uh, don't think about what the next step is. Just be there, be in the moment, be present, try and make it as special as you can, because I feel like I didn't, I didn't do that Um, it was still so amazing and so special and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 25:17

But I wish that I like had more sitting in the moment and being present with it and not just thinking like, okay, what's the next thing? I'm really stressed right now. I want to know what the next thing is, or I got to move forward. Where's the finish line Cause, like, if there's anything I can tell you is that there is no finish line. There's never a finish line. Life is literally this is it. This is it, and we need to be in it, be in it, be in this moment, because the finish line does not exist, because once you get to that finish line, you still have life to live and you're like, wait what's next? So just like being more present.

Speaker 1: 25:48

So this week I really really learned that like I really brought myself back into that mindset. I've been so bad at um thinking about the next. I kind of spoke about that when I was saying, like how I'm trying to be really intentional with everything that I post online and how I'm really just trying to be. I'm trying to be really intentional with everything that I post online and how I'm really just trying to be. I'm trying to bring my best self, my my best mental self, to the online world. And not because I want to portray a picture of like perfectness not at all. That's never, ever, ever my goal. I want to portray a picture of who I actually truly feel I am, because when I'm like, feel like I endlessly have to create content and post and do all this like I'm working from a place of I'm not enough. I'm not enough, um, and I don't want that ever. I am enough, I am amazing, I am beautiful, I'm kind, I'm loving. I have all these great attributes to offer to the world. I am enough. I am enough. I am unique.

Speaker 1: 26:44

I have to remind myself that, because, working in social media, it does feel all the time Like why, why am I, why I? Nothing I have to offer is different from what someone else has to offer or better, and they can just do it. And why should I do it? Like I get stuck in my head all the time about that. I'm sure you do too about other things. So I just feel like I've been in a really bad cycle lately where I'm like, oh my gosh, and it always like, oh, trying to figure out where my comfort zone is and what feels good and what my schedule is and all this stuff, and then it always falls back on me feeling like I'm not enough and it's like I have to leave that behind.

Speaker 1: 27:24

And when I feel like I'm not enough is because I am not being present. I am not sitting in the life that I have currently. I am not sitting, breathing, looking, seeing out the window. Oh my gosh, like even just me, for me personally, like when I look out the window, it's a sunny day, right, just me for me personally, like when I look out the window, it's a sunny day right now and I see the sun dabbling and I see the branches moving, even though they're just branches now. Soon buds will be blooming and I see that I literally can be transported back into the present. So that's something for me that really works is just like taking a second, putting down everything around me mainly my phone, that is the thing around me putting it down and just sitting for a moment and absorbing what is actually happening around me right now and finding that beauty, like that really grounds me. And because of that practice and knowing that it's easier for me to like release the, the ah, I'm not enough, what's next? What's next? How can I be better? How can I do this, how can I do that, or why, like it's easier for me to fall back into that like, to get back into my present.

Speaker 1: 28:39

But at the same time, like I got pretty wound up this time, like I feel like I really pushed myself too far away. I actually deleted everything off my phone, like TikTok, instagram, all the social medias off my phone. I really didn't go on them for the week. I wasn't posting um, because I just needed that space. And then I actually re-downloaded TikTok and Instagram maybe yesterday or the day before, and Instagram is like TikTok. I really don't need on my phone. Like I'm deleting it again because it is 100% a distraction.

Speaker 1: 29:14

Like anything that I create for TikTok, especially as a creator. Like I just need to not see other people's posts, I just need to. I was gonna say stay in my lane, but I don't know that's a negative thing, it's not even stay in my lane. I just need to like focus in on me and feel inspired by the real world around me and then bring that to the online life. Like I don't need to see what's happening online for me. It's not good for me as a creator.

Speaker 1: 29:41

I know other people feel inspired by other people, but I do not. I always feel like, oh well, I don't need to see what's happening online for me. It's not good for me as a creator. I know other people feel inspired by other people, but I do not. I always feel like, oh well, I don't need to do anything or oh, I'm not doing enough. They're posting and I should be posting where it's like no, actually I'm more worthy than just how many posts I share, how many likes or how many views I get. My worth comes from other things and my value is not situated in that, and what I'm trying to create for the world is bringing my unique qualities to other people so that they can feel less alone and feel loved and welcomed and supported, and that there is no judgment and that this is a free space to be weird and have fun and eat food happily and not feel pressure. That's what my, that's what I want to bring. And so I just was like I'm glad that I took that detox. And then I realized that, yeah, tiktok does not serve me on my phone, so that's going back off, because I can do everything now that I have my beautiful desktop computer. I can do everything from there. I can obviously film and edit, but then I can upload and get everything scheduled or just upload right away from my computer. So that's like perfecto. And then the only thing I couldn't I can't figure out what my feelings are on Instagram right now. It's like I redownloaded it and then it's like okay, you can share on your stories way easier. But I don't know, I kind of don't like that. It's so funny.

Speaker 1: 31:11

I used to be someone who like loved the instant gratification posts, like I love filming and posting, filming, editing, uploading on TikTok right then, right there, and I love stories. Because it was like this is what I'm doing now. Right then, right there, and I love stories because it was like this is what I'm doing now, and it was all like I only want to post things that are happening right now live. But then it's like I actually don't resonate with that anymore. I like the step back, I like the more I don't know. I like I do still like posting live, like it's it's an easier routine for me to do that Like. And then it's like, okay, I'm done, I've uploaded the video, I'm done.

Speaker 1: 31:47

It's harder for me to come back and edit a video that I filmed, like even earlier in the day, but even the day before or last week like I do find it harder for me to come back and do that. Or then I feel like, ah, it's obsolete, what's the point? But I'm trying to like release myself from this. I don't know instant gratification and just like be more thoughtful with how I do that. But that aside, that's just one point of this presence thing is that the social media on my phone, especially if I'm going to be working in social media, is not good for me. Not good so, so not good. So I deleted it and I honestly that instantly felt so much better for me and now I've been literally plugging my phone in as soon as dinner time hits, like as soon as I serve dinner, I plug my phone in and I don't look at it until Rosie goes to school the next day, and that feels amazing and that feels like a good habit that I've picked up and retrained myself.

Speaker 1: 32:48

Another way I think I talked about this right at the beginning was that seeing the sun out the window and the, the wind moving the branches, like those things connect me to the present. But what that truly is is gratitude. It's me discovering, or not even discovering, but me looking around me and just feeling gratitude, and I feel so much gratitude for everything, everything around me right now and everything in my life right now. Like I feel that. But it's easy to not feel that if you're distracted and if you're looking for other things to bring you happiness or joy or whatever you're looking for, and especially when you're spending your time in distraction. I just needed a week to sit and feel every little piece of the puzzle, the flow of life, because that is my favorite thing. I talk about this when I cook like I love the flow of cooking. I love my favorite thing. I talk about this when I cook like I love the flow of cooking.

Speaker 1: 33:44

I love how you're you have to figure out, like you decide what you're going to make. Then you have to figure out, okay, what is going to be the layout of the time, what makes sense to cook first, what should I start then? When can I put on this then? When should I do this now? Will I have a little break here? Should I put in the dishes here now? Now, let's.

Speaker 1: 34:00

I love that flow, I love it all and I love getting it all on the table and then the kitchen being like clean, like I love creating that flow in the kitchen and that's what really brings me joy when I'm cooking. And it's the same thing with life. I love the flow that life brings and I love um, I love the simplicity of the daily routine waking up and going and getting your baby I know she's not a baby anymore, but waking her up and bringing the dog out and then figuring out what are we going to have for breakfast. Getting the lunches on, having a little bit of a dance party, doing our little morning bathroom routine, getting dressed, walking to the bus, playing games with Trevor, going on my morning walk, getting into whatever my workday looks like for the day. I love all those ups and downs and then the same with the other route, making as the days, as my workday is wrapping up, then making my cup of tea, having my cookie, going to get rosy, or the same the different, it depends. Do I feel like I need the tea before I get rosy or do we have the tea together with rosy? I'm going to get roe, asking her what she wants to do for the next hour before you have to start dinner.

Speaker 1: 35:19

Participating in whatever that is, whether that's her playing like yesterday she was playing with her new couch and I was folding a basket of laundry on her bed participating and watching and praising and enjoying and laughing and helping, but also getting a task done that I needed for myself, but being very present in the moment, with the sun in the room and just having this really beautiful and with the sun in the room, and just having this really beautiful, so simple child playing, mom folding laundry, sun in the room, like the most simple act, but literally, why am I going to cry about that? But literally, that brings me the utmost joy. The most joy that life has to offer is those moments, and I really didn't think I was going to get emotional about this episode, but it's. It's so disheartening how easy it is to get distracted and pulled away from the present moment and I'm just thinking, like I told you guys, like not the week that we, not this past week, march, right, but the week that we weren't feeling well, like I was having a bit of a down week as well on top of that, and it's like how was I feeling? I was feeling so, I don't know, lost and I could not feel what I'm feeling now. Like I could not bring myself to feel that because I was so distracted, like I could not bring myself to feel the joy that I feel just describing this simple routine or daily activity, because I was so distracted and my mind was so distracted and I was looking so far into the future and I was looking at other people and I was comparing myself and I was feeling just like a balloon about to pop, and I did pop, like I literally one day just laid all day.

Speaker 1: 37:17

I vlogged about this in my uh, my most recent weekly vlog, but there was a day where I just had to sit on the couch and just like, like disassociate from myself, and then I was able to, like, feel more recharged for the next day, and then I was able to realize, okay, I need to make a change and I need to. I'm missing the feeling, I'm missing the gratitude and the feeling present. So I need to figure out how to get there. And it's just this, like it's the most amazing feeling ever when you can just be as present as possible in your life. And so, anyways, all of that to be said, I love the flow of life and I'm so glad I'm feeling back there and feeling more confident in my, in that space, because that's really the only thing that matters.

Speaker 1: 38:09

And so another thing that I do, which I mentioned in my routine, is going on my daily walk, which I am so excited because the weather's getting so much nicer, but I go on the daily walk in the winter too, unless the conditions are like horrible and I really can't walk. But now it's getting so much nicer. Today I even got to go down to the ravine, which I love a ravine walk. I've like lived on a ravine my entire life, which is so wild. Except for the few years that me and Trevor were together in the condo, we didn't have a ravine. Well, there were lots of ravines around us, but we didn't live on a ravine. But I've always lived close to a forest and it's just been the easiest walking path to get to and I never take that for granted. And so now, as the weather gets warmer, it's nicer to go back down to the ravine, although it is the time where it's going to be very muddy, so you have to play it by ear.

Speaker 1: 38:59

But today it was cool enough that I had the ground was going to be hard and it was, and the spring birdies weren't out yet. Specifically the geese. They get really protective of their babies around this time, especially on the path I walk, and yeah, it can actually be quite scary, uh, so I try to avoid the like the babies coming out there, and but anyways, there were just a couple of geese today and they did go and like hiss at me but I was like, okay, there's only two, I can walk around them, but sometimes there's so many. Anyways, I got to do that path today and I was just like so excited. It runs next to a stream and it's like, oh, the water, and then the trees are still so barren and it's. I took a picture cause I was like, oh, this is the time where I should try and take a picture once a week, if I can remember, because I'll really see that change and I love to see all the change happening in spring. It's so lovely.

Speaker 1: 39:53

But taking that time every single day for myself to go on that walk is the most important thing I can do for myself really, and it's one of those things that really grounds me. It is truly a grounding activity, really, and it's one of those things that really grounds me. It is truly a grounding activity and I just like cannot live without it, like I need that, and so it's. It's even more special when I get to like switch it up and as the weather gets warmer, I can start going on my hikes, which are at different areas, and so I, even this winter, I was pretty consistent with just doing it around the block and I like to go for an hour or so, depending on how much time I have available, but I thought I would get tired of just walking in a circle for an hour. But I never did and I always listen to a podcast and just like connect with somebody that way. It's really important for me as someone who's like on my own all day, working, working. I mean that I connect with somebody and that's why I really love podcasts and that's why I always wanted to podcast and that's why we're here, because, um, yeah, I, when you can find those people you resonate with, it just is like that camaraderie and it feels like I don't know, you know that workplace banter type of situation. But that's been really important.

Speaker 1: 41:03

These little rituals my walk, the tea time, the making of breakfast and dinner those are very important rituals that I do every day. I love making, oh, I love making my breakfast because it's me and Ro in the kitchen and it's just this really lovely time. And it's the same thing for dinner. It's like me and Ro have this great hour together where we get to play and do whatever it is that she wants to do, and then we have an hour where we're making dinner and we're still in the kitchen, but she's either coloring or painting. Sometimes she likes to watch a show.

Speaker 1: 41:35

Okay, astro, I can't do you on my lap right now. This cat Guys, I don't know what to do. I love, I love Astro, and I love when he wants to sit on my lap. But for some reason, as I'm podcasting, for some reason, as his tail's whipping everywhere and he gets all tied up in the wires, it just is so overstimulating for me. But those little rituals are so important for me and they feel like rituals because I try and be as present as possible as I'm doing them. And I think the being present part is very important, especially for the cooking of dinner, because I love doing it and it can easily become such an overwhelming feeling like the oh, I have to make dinner again, I don't know what to make. But as long as I can stay as present as possible and every week when I make my little meal plan and go out to the grocery store, be as practical with my capacity for the week, I love that moment, like if I can just really just step into it. It feels like therapeutic to me.

Speaker 1: 42:38

And then my last thing is just connecting with people in my real life. I'm trying to be intentional about setting up um times to be with people like my friends and my family, and that's so important. It feels really wonderful and it really does just like bring me into again that gratitude and and um, especially when I like if I'm doing it with the family, that's great, but when I can go out on my own and have it as my own time, it really does just like fuel me up. My cup is full and I've laughed and I've shared with others and I've felt part of community and that is one of the most important things. And um, yeah, but guess what? You have to take the time to actually like set that up and make that into your schedule.

Speaker 1: 43:23

And sometimes I can feel like, oh, I don't have time, I don't have time, or oh, it's going to be overwhelming, or I have to drive here to do this, but it's always worth it. So I now don't even think about that. If the opportunity rises, I'm like I'm going to do it. If I can make it work, like if there's, it's worth it a hundred percent. So just making sure I'm connecting with people in my life and getting things in my calendar. So, uh, if there's a day where I'm feeling really inspired, like, oh, I'm feeling really social.

Speaker 1: 43:49

I try and like reach out to a few people and get some stuff scheduled into the calendar so that on those weeks where I'm feeling not as much effort to want to put into that, I've already done it and it's in my calendar and I'm committed and I'm going to go have a great time and feel recharged and so that's just like a really big thing that I've started doing. That's made such a difference in just like my overall mental health and like presence in this world and just like making sure that I'm embracing the community that I've built around me and the, the, the, the connections that I have. You know what I mean. So, yeah, I just feel this week was one of those transformative weeks for me where it was like oh, my gosh, grace, you're missing the point.

Speaker 1: 44:34

The point is to be here, to be in this life, to be present. I get so carried away sometimes what's next, what's next, what's next? It's like nothing's next. This is it. I love my life. I love it so much. I'm so grateful for every little aspect of it. I literally think back to a time when I was like what do I want my future to look like this is it. This is it. This is a tenfold over. Like this is it Live in this moment it is so beautiful and be as present as possible. Distractions Goodbye.

Speaker 1: 45:10

Boredom is good. I actually love being bored. Cutes, that was my like thing as a kid. I was always bored and I always found so many fun things to do and did so many fun hobbies and like loved crafting and loved cooking. Like that's how. That's how I learned how to do all this stuff was because I was bored. That's why I got in the kitchen, that's why I got creative. Like this is why I am who I am and I want that instilled in me and I want that instilled in Ro and I think that's so important. So all of this just helps me to be the best version of myself, which helps me to be the best mom I can be, and that's all I really want in this world. So I am so grateful that I had that realization and that I've just like been able to do these simple little things and just really embrace them and show gratitude, and it feels good. It feels good to be present in the moment. Then that's the thing. It feels good. It feels good to not put pressure on yourself, to always have to just like strive for all this stuff. Feels good, feels good. Okay, cutes, let's get into our roses butts and the horns rose cuties, you're gonna be so shocked for what today's rose is like. You're gonna be like what I actually drew that face. It's a two dots with a circle mouth.

Speaker 1: 46:33

Laundry my rose is laundry. I took last week off doing laundry, mainly because our house was literally a zoo as we were switching all the rooms over. Everything was everywhere and it just felt really overwhelming and I was like I'm not going to allow myself to feel overwhelmed by this, because there's a reason for the explosion. And once we are done getting Rose bedroom set up, we will be able to excavate or remove everything from our house that doesn't need to be in our house, donate uh recycling center, all of that stuff, and then I will be able to tackle the laundry. But I had told you, I think, on last week's episode that I was uh trying to do a load a day of laundry and it really like changed my world, and so then I was a little stressed when I did wasn't doing laundry last week. I was like, oh no, I thought I changed my world.

Speaker 1: 47:21

But guess what cuties I did? Because typically I would feel like, oh my gosh, I have so much laundry to do. But you know what? I didn't feel like that because I didn't feel like, okay, I have to get it all done right now. If I don't get it done now, then the world's going to end. Oh my gosh, I didn't feel like that at all. What I did was I sorted it out, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Speaker 1: 47:39

And there was like at least two loads of like everything, two loads of colors, two loads of dark. Well, one load of white there's never two loads of white. Two loads of towels, sheets, whatever, like it wasn't, like I could just get it done in four loads or whatever. Like there was eight, nine, ten, something like that. And I put a load in the laundry yesterday and then I folded it and put another load in the laundry and I have it in the dryer right now. I'm going to fold it and put in another load. And then tomorrow I'm going to fold it and put it in another load.

Speaker 1: 48:08

And guess what, kids, I'm just doing one load a day, because I can do one load a day. It's like revolutionary for me, because I used to always think I have to get it all done on one day for me, because I used to always think I have to get it all done on one day and then I would get so far, far fallen behind, and I thought that was what was going to happen when I took the week off. And it's not. I just picked up and started doing my one load a day and it feels so attainable and I actually feel present while I'm folding it. I told you yesterday I was folding it while Ro was playing and we were interacting and it felt so wonderful and it felt like a task we were doing together in an activity that didn't feel so lonely, and I loved it and I'm so excited. So laundry is my rose and I never thought that would happen, and it's not even because it's done I still have lots to do, but it's because I have a plan and I feel good about it and I feel prepared and organized and I'm doing it. It's so exciting, exciting.

Speaker 1: 48:58

Okay, my thorn, what did I say here? Oh, yes, I'm getting in my head and feeling the need to grow, push, be better, do more. I feel like that was like a big. Uh, what is it? Theme of this podcast episode? But yes, I was really in my head, I was really and I, I, I, I didn't realize I was in this cycle where it was like every month I would get in my head and I'd feel like, okay, I'm not enough, I need to do more, I need to be better. How can I? And it's like no grace, you are enough. So I just hate that, that, that, that, that. That that's where I was, um, but it's my bestie's birthday this weekend. I'm so excited we're going to have a girl's night. I can't wait. I already have an idea for when I'm going to get her for her gift, which, like you're like okay, grace, it's this weekend, you probably should get that. And it's like yes, yes, yes, I am going to go get it. But I'm really excited about this because it was something I thought about like a long time ago and then I didn't write it down and then, thankfully, rosie had gotten something that was similar. Long story short, I don't want to spoil it, but it just reminded me that I have to do this. So I already know what I'm getting her for her birthday. I'm going to do that tomorrow, um, so that I can get it all sorted. But yeah, we're going to have a girl's night. It's going to be so fun, a bunch of us, some karaoke. Oh, I'm so excited and you know me, I love a girl's night. So that's my bed.

Speaker 1: 50:28

Entertainment recap entertainment recap Cutes. I'm watching summer house. You already know this. I'm literally obsessed with summer house. Even like, for me, summer House, every episode doesn't need to be like drama, drama, drama. It just feels like a warm hug, a warm catch up with your friends. So I'm enjoying it. I really am enjoying this season. Below Deck I'm really enjoying the Below Deck. What is this one called? A Below Deck Adventure? I can't remember what this is called, but whatever ones are coming out now, I am so obsessed with the season Like I just love how many layers there are to it. I don't know. I feel like I'm so interested to see what's happening. Um, it's keeping me very entertained.

Speaker 1: 51:09

And then I started a new show on Netflix called parenthood, which I believe is an old show, but I, for some reason, I thought I watched parenthood. I'm trying to think if it's similar to a different show, like the cover art, I don't know Cause even Trevor. I was watching it last night and Trevor was like, oh, didn't you already watch this? And I was like I thought, but it's not, it's a different show, so I'm not sure. Anyways, I'm watching Parenthood.

Speaker 1: 51:31

I just got onto the second season. I really am loving it. It's so good. Um, it's just like a family drama comedy. What is it? It's like a family show or it's a show about family makeup. Um, I guess the basis is it's two grandparents or the two parents, and then they have four kids, and then all the kids are married and have kids, or they're not all married, but they're all at that age and then they have kids, families, whatever. So it's all the family. It's just like a big family and it's all the family drama and highs and lows and everything in between. I'm really enjoying it. So if you're looking for a show to watch, parenthood, it's really really good. I'm loving it. But, yeah, that's what I'm watching.

Speaker 1: 52:15

As to when I'm listening, I think I said this on my first episode. Uh, was that? I really want to see the Lumineers, like live. And guess what? We didn't get Toronto tickets. I knew we weren't going to get them. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I was so anxious about it, but Trevor was able to get tickets for I guess there's a closer or it's up at the same distance, but where is it? Somewhere in Buffalo, I don't know. But anyways, we're going. I'm so excited. That's not till September, but like I'm so excited and so that's my entertainment music recap.

Speaker 1: 52:48

Update for you is that I got tickets and I can't wait. And also, I just want to like see more live music. Me and Trevor used to go see concerts all the time and we've been pretty good at getting back into seeing concerts, but I want to see more, like I love going to live music. Oh, we also went to a hockey game over March break. We went and saw the Ice Dogs, which I've only been to two Ice Dogs games and they've lost both, so it's hard to keep cheering. I'm just kidding, but it was fun. Um, I really want to see the basketball team that's here, lion, something, I don't know so, but that's a summer activity, but anyways, that's what I've been up to. Cutes. Thanks for coming.

Speaker 1: 53:27

I had a wonderful week. I was really excited to record this podcast and then I got discouraged. But I was having a hard time getting everything set up and then I was like I'm gonna be hungry and you don't want to work with a hungry grace Like, no, you don't want that. But now that we're here, at the end, oh, I feel fabulous. Not even at the end, I felt great during it and I just am so happy that you're here and I'm happy that I have this medium back and that I'm taking it easy and I'm able to show up as I, as myself, for us, for us, cuties. I love you all so much. Cuties, I'm so grateful you're here. I'm wishing you a beautiful week ahead. I can't wait to talk to you again and I'm sending you love, light and good vibes. See you, cutes. Love ya.